Fetal Minds

Unsaid

2011-12-11T22:56:00.001-06:00

I was talking to Mat a while back about the things we leave unspoken. A poor habit, that most people seem to practice, to varying degrees. Specifically I asked him if he still filtered the things he said, given his change in perspective. Even before his diagnosis he seemed to express himself to a greater degree than I felt that I did, and I expected that he may have found some freedom where there was no barrier between what he thought and what he said. I was a bit saddened to hear that at the end, self censorship can still keep us silent. In the example he gave, it was something he wanted to say to someone from his past, but felt it would be a selfish thing. Perhaps a chance to unburden himself, but he felt it could do no good for the person he wished to say it to. What right did he have, to upset another, simply to say something he had wanted to say for a long time?

I often find that what is left unspoken can often be the most interesting, or perhaps, the most meaningful. It is a shame that we leave those empty spaces there, or that the distance between one breath and the next can feel so large. When faced with statements that may affect the people around us, it's such a shame to turn away from them to only state something safe, something that will leave no wake, or not to speak at all. I imagine there are people unfamiliar with that struggle between wanting to be heard, and fearing to, but I am not one of them.

Even when trying to state something, I often find myself only hinting at it. Brushing the surface to see if I will get burned. I think that may also be familiar to other people. Instead of speaking we post recognizable links. We hide the pages of an old journal amongst otherwise mundane posts. We keep our promises as best we can. I wonder though, how often the message gets lost in the cypher. A whisper of what was meant may only end up misdirecting, or perhaps not even being heard. Is that any better?

I was once told that every time you hold back something, you are only serving to rob the world of that part of you. I can understand though, how Mat could feel that some truths can be selfish. I can not deny that sentiment, though I might like to, when I have often thought the same. Perhaps there are things we have lost the right to say. It does not sit well with me though. There should be a better way.

I suppose that "you can say anything" level of communication by necessity can only come with a certain level of intimacy. I guess it would be foolish to think that at any point in our lives we would really want or be capable of having that with everyone that we know. It does make those that we have had that connection with something to be cherished. I have left a lot unsaid, but I can say this. It may have been a rare occasion for me to have found that in my life, but over all I count myself lucky to have known so many.

Foreknowledged

2011-10-19T22:24:00.000-05:00

Emissions trading is sure to come up again. I think this video is informative, and seems pretty even handed. Thanks New Zealand.

Coming Clean - New Zealand's Emissions Trading Scheme Explained from Lindsay Horner on Vimeo.

Pay No Attention To The Man We Are Shooting

2011-10-09T03:01:00.000-05:00

Last year the government gave a hit list to the CIA. A list of people the white house wanted the CIA to kill with unmanned drones. One of those people was an American citizen. Last week the CIA succeeded in killing an American citizen with an unmanned drone, who had not been tried (much less convicted) of any crime that carried a penalty of death.

Apparently, because we're at war, and he's our enemy, the constitution and bill of rights don't count. Wait, when did we declare war again? I seem to have forgotten.

Don't worry about that though. Banks now want to charge monthly fees for their checking accounts after the government decided to cap the transactional fees they are allowed to charge. Even though this was the expected outcome even before the new laws were passed, it is both shocking and outrageous. Obviously the repercussions of this government regulation require more government regulation, so lets pay attention to that mind-numbing debate instead of worrying about who the government is murdering.

Giant ant.

Ahhh, that's better.

Let Time Be No Barrier

2011-09-24T02:35:00.000-05:00

I was speaking with my friend Mat recently about time and relationships. We have been friends for a long time now, it has been over ten years I think, I'm not really sure. Over that period, there were multiple times that we didn't talk to each other for a year or more. He commented that I am the only person he knows that he would feel comfortable contacting after such an extended absence. He also mentioned that I am the only friend he has left, but we'll get back to that. It seemed very odd to me that he didn't know anyone else he could go for years without talking to and still be friends with, as that is every relationship I have ever had.

I've actually heard similar comments from others, that no matter how much time has passed, our friendship can pick up right where it left off. For some reason, it never occurred to me that people may be commenting on it because it is out of the ordinary, until Mat said so explicitly. I've been meaning to ask some of the people I know how many friends they have that fall into this category, but never got around to it. I suspect that it's like most things, people fall along a spectrum. I suspect there would also be some correlation there with how people perceive time, or how their memory works, but those two things are so interconnected I'm not sure how the causal relationships work.

My memories tend to come if two flavors, vivid and lost. Well, at least when it comes to my memories of other people. I also don't remember things in terms of time. If something happened in the past couple months, I could probably put a date to it. Beyond that, "when" becomes fuzzy. I notice other people describing their memories in terms of how old they were when it happened. I don't really think that way. I have to do the math every time someone asks me how old I am. The best I can do is "where". I have a decent memory for how long I lived or worked at any location, so I can work my way back to figure out the general area of time that something occurred in. For me, the difference between months and years can be indistinguishable. I think that makes it easy to maintain what might seem like an inconsistent friendship. The only difference between talking to someone after six weeks, or six years, is whether I still know who you are or not.

I suppose that might be why I am Mat's last friend, but I suspect it isn't. There is a much more obvious explanation for that. Mat is dying. Which makes me feel like a pretty shitty last friend to have. While it may be easy for me to pick up a friendship after time has passed, it's also very easy for me to let that time pass. Not the best quality for the people you are close with to have when you find yourself short on time. He was told he only had a year or two left when he was first diagnosed, but that was well over two years ago, and was upgraded to ten years at some point. Last year, I don't think we spoke at all beyond a couple emails. It isn't intentional, but as time seems compressed in a dream, the waking world seems to work in the opposite way.

I suppose this is the point where I am suppose to express the lesson in all of this. Succinctly summed up in a sentence you've heard a thousand times before like "stop and smell the roses along the way", or "enjoy the little things in life", or "be grateful for what you have". While there is some truth in all of those sayings, they are also complete bullshit. All of these aphorisms are trumped by "you don't appreciate what you have until it's gone", which tells you right in the subtext that you can not comprehend the truth of this advice until it is too late. Which is probably healthy. Carrying that knowledge from moment to moment that in some sense we are all slowly dying, that all of this is temporary, could only drive a person mad.

That's not to say that change is impossible. I think most people have experienced at least the temporary outlook that comes from those moments of our lives punctuated by loss. The greatest teacher in these moments, may be regret. When I was young I used to say that I lived a life of no regret, for all the preceding moments of my life had led to this one, and made me the person that I am, and I could not regret being the person I had become. I'm pretty sure that is the stupidest thing I have ever said. I saw regret as an anchor, a form of self denial. It was actually that belief that was self denying of the guilt/shame/sadness that can come with a loss. I have learned regret since then, many times over. While we should not turn regret upon ourselves, not fill ourselves up with it, we should always regret when a good thing has gone from our lives. And perhaps that regret should bob to the surface every once in a while, as a little reminder.

It is regret which can teach us that time is our greatest enemy. To not let time put barriers between us. To not indifferently let it pass.

Making You Read Some More

2011-06-26T03:53:00.000-05:00

A while ago, I linked to an article that talked about a typical hypocrisy in the pro-life position. Well, primarily in the pro-life position, she did have her criticisms for those taking a pro-choice position as well.

The pro-choice camp (of which I am a reluctant member) also promulgates all sorts of dubious and dishonest purported reasons for their position, going on and on about “freedom of choice” and “women’s empowerment” and so forth. A few people may actually believe all that, but I suspect most don’t.

While Zombie mostly talked about the sexuality aspects of what may be coloring peoples views on the abortion issue, I have stumbled across a new twist in the pro-choice side of things.

In nature, 105 boys are born for every 100 girls. This ratio is biologically ironclad. Between 104 and 106 is the normal range, and that's as far as the natural window goes. Any other number is the result of unnatural events.

Specifically, a Wall Street Journal review of Unnatural Selection. I suppose I should start by saying I really have no idea how accurate any of these statistics are, and to be honest I don't care that much, it's the philosophy of the arguments that I find interesting. The term "Freedom of choice" is one that I am naturally inclined to favor, though I have come to believe that the term liberty might actually be more accurate than freedom. Either way, one thing I know for certain, when you give people the freedom to choose for themselves, a whole lot of them are going to choose something you think is stupid. For the most part, I'm just fine with that happening.

Yet today in India there are 112 boys born for every 100 girls. In China, the number is 121—though plenty of Chinese towns are over the 150 mark. China's and India's populations are mammoth enough that their outlying sex ratios have skewed the global average to a biologically impossible 107. But the imbalance is not only in Asia. Azerbaijan stands at 115, Georgia at 118 and Armenia at 120.

Apparently, the ratio of women to men has slowly been going off kilter since the 70's or 80's. This was something I was already aware of in some fashion, but the extent of it is something that I find surprising.

"Better 500 rupees now than 5,000 later," reads one ad put out by an Indian clinic, a reference to the price of a sex test versus the cost of a dowry.

I certainly don't want to imply that this is something limited to other countries, some of these trends can be seen in America as well, you should read the whole article yourself anyway. This imbalance brings up some other topics, one of those is something I've discussed with some friends recently. Namely, that the best predictor for crime is having a disproportionate number of young men living in a region. Like all anisogamous animals, there are some fundamental differences between between our two sexes, let's not kid ourselves. A change in that natural balance could have any number of unknown ramifications. [Side note: Anisogamous might actually be more specific than I need it to be. Bonus points if you can tell me a word that just means "a species composed of two sexes", bisexual doesn't cut it. Also, suck it spell-check, I win again.]

Which brings us to a potential hypocrisy in the pro-life position. I have heard people criticize cultures that show a strong preference to having male children, and are using abortion to satisfy that preference. However, some of those same people feel that abortion is a women's rights issue. I'm not even sure there is a hypocrisy there, it is certainly not as clear as the pro-life one, but it is in this weird grey area that makes it fascinating to me. Is it internally consistent to be against limitations on early term abortions on the basis of women's rights, knowing that some of those abortions are a form of sexual discrimination that is altering the makeup of our species?

Late in "Unnatural Selection," Ms. Hvistendahl makes some suggestions as to how such "abuse" might be curbed without infringing on a woman's right to have an abortion. In attempting to serve these two diametrically opposed ideas, she proposes banning the common practice of revealing the sex of a baby to parents during ultrasound testing. And not just ban it, but have rigorous government enforcement, which would include nationwide sting operations designed to send doctors and ultrasound techs and nurses who reveal the sex of babies to jail. Beyond the police surveillance of obstetrics facilities, doctors would be required to "investigate women carrying female fetuses more thoroughly" when they request abortions, in order to ensure that their motives are not illegal.

Well, that certainly seems like a self-consistent position. It's also seems equally as politically suicidal as the "no exceptions for rape pregnancies" pro-life position. There is a bit of a "the ends justify the means" in all of this, which I am always against. The author of the review ends with this:

...there are only two alternatives: Restrict abortion or accept the slaughter of millions of baby girls and the calamities that are likely to come with it.

If you view this as mass discrimination, putting an end to it does seem be a good outcome to obtain, but that outcome cannot be used to justify the method. The justice of the method must stand on it's own. In addition, declaring that a problem only has one possible solution is, at best, unimaginative. If you take the pro-life stance, obviously this is just part of a larger problem. If you are pro-choice, from my perspective there's actually no problem here that needs to be solved. As I stated before, people given the freedom to choose, will at times make choices you disagree with, that's just life. I imagine some of the people that take a pro-choice stance (probably most of them), would find it tough to take that point of view however.

I've mentioned a few times that I try to avoid discussing politics here, the reason for that being that I tend to disagree with both political parties, and telling everyone that I think they're wrong holds little interest for me, and is likely unproductive. I do realize that discussing a topic like abortion is pretty much impossible to do apolitically. Though I have avoided the R and D words, they are practically implicit when you use words like pro-life and pro-choice, even though the parties themselves are not unified on this topic. Though I haven't stated my position on abortion, and only my thoughts on the positions of abortion, I am sure some will not see that distinction. So, against my own policy, I would like to state my opinion on this highly politicized topic for the record. I believe that when it comes to abortion, you are all wrong.

I am sure that by this point I have offended all offend-able people, but in case I've missed anyone, here's a song about abortion that I enjoy.

Orestes

Passed On

2011-05-22T05:22:00.000-05:00

Passing on, passing away. That's one of those odd phrases that we use to change the way something sounds, yet the meaning still remains the same. Earlier today, or I suppose it's yesterday now, my grandmother died. My first instinct at times like this is to say nothing, as that is the surest way to ensure that I do not say the wrong thing. Everything that comes to mind seems trite, cliche, or inappropriate. However, life presents us with many moments when there is no right thing to say, and today I am reminded that censuring your own life is such a foolish choice to make.

She saw her husband and nine of her brothers and sisters pass on, and one sibling survives her. I often wonder if the joys of our lives are balanced by the burden those memories can become, watching time turn our present into past. I doubt she ever looked at life that way, but I do not know. I think that I should say that I wish I knew her better, but I do not. I knew her as a grandmother, someone who was quick with a smile, always had kind things to say, and wanted to make sure you got enough to eat. Those may be the most important things there are in life. What else would I want to know?

She was loved by many. She will be missed. There is no greater legacy than that.

You are Jealous

2011-04-10T23:34:00.000-05:00

So very jealous.

If you find yourself wondering why you're so jealous, feel free to refresh your memory with this video imitation of the real thing.

I was at work having a conversation about whether we might live in a pocket universe with a friend of mine who also attended the Brian Greene talk, and a mutual friend of ours who was listening to us said he thought theoretical physics was interesting, but he never felt he had enough time to learn about something that made essentially no difference in his day to day life. A fair enough statement I suppose, but implicit in it is the question, "What's the point?"

It is a question that has run through my mind so many times, that I brushed it aside. In the end it always boils down to the unsatisfying "Why not?"; or equally, for the same reason anyone does anything, because they want to. But this one stuck with me, or at least the more specific question, "Why quantum physics, why science?" It's something I've always been draw to, even though in some ways it goes against my nature. At first I decided that, in a sea of contradiction, perhaps solace may be found in any answer. I suppose I realized long ago that some of the most important queries I have been chasing hold no real answers for me, but the search continues. Without direction, perhaps I am simply collecting facts. Little pieces of the world that I can point to, no matter how ephemeral their connection to me, and say, "This is truth."

It doesn't hold up though. There are plenty of facts and figures in the world, enough subjects to fill all of my days so that I could lose myself in their codification of reality. But it isn't enough. Most of those things could not hold my attention. In fact, most of the things I am drawn to, don't really hold that much truth. The realm of theoretical physics in particular certainly raises more questions than it answers.

It hasn't improved my day to day, and there are certainly other things I could be doing that would. It may just be a distraction. A way to chase down a mystery, when I no longer know how to chase mine. I suppose it may not serve any purpose in my life beyond occupying my mind for a while. There may not be anything else to it. So, what is the point? Why spend so much time trying to gain what is probably a flawed understanding of relativity? Why spend three sleepless nights trying to figure out why multiples of three and nine are always numbers whose digits sum to additional multiples of the same numbers, when I could of just googled it? I don't know, and "why not" still doesn't satisfy.

Too Late To Change Your Mind

2011-01-25T21:04:00.000-06:00

Tricky - Wait for God

05/08/2007
I thought I would go ahead and lay out my thoughts on what it is I want to do with this blog...a logical structure for determining truth...

For me, the word truth has always had a special significance. Something that should be capitalized, Truth. Truth is a purpose, a way of life, salvation. I said before that I felt like my past had been stolen from me, but I could restate that to say I feel like the truth has forsaken me. Ok, yes, I'm a bit melodramatic. Maybe I can tone that down a bit. How about... I thought the truth and I had a special relationship, but it turns out the truth had syphilis, and now it burns when I think. Actually, let's go back to the past being stolen bit. Once, as a joke, I said "The truly creative, do not quote other people. - Joseph Cerra" Well, I am going to indulge in some creativity. I'll spare you all the back links, also I'm lazy.

05/10/2007
...it is our minds potential to see what does not exist that has brought into being so many wonders, and at the same time seems to be responsible for every disappointment.

I have been looking for answers for a very long time, I suppose the very answers I have recently come to. It's a bit surprising looking back, to see how close I could be to it for so long, without really understanding it. Especially without truly understanding the question, something I often have admonished others for. When you do find those answers, they tend to only breed new questions, which is were I now find myself. I believe that who we are is defined to a large extent by the important people in our lives. If what I can remember of others is wrong... who am I? Obviously I haven't changed, but those irrational thoughts I was listening to for so long certainly affected my self-image, and how I see myself was made from illusion.

05/16/2007
My discovery of myself can not be complete, without being able to see myself as you do.

How well do I really know anyone, if I have been misinterpreting other people all this time? Some of the people I know now, are people from my past that I have reconnected with, and I think that has been useful. Overall things are not that different, the things I remember about people, their personalities, seem to be pretty consistent. It is only what I believed they saw in me, that doesn't seem to mesh anymore. The difference between how I expect someone from my past to remember me, and the way they do remember, can be pretty drastic.

05/24/2007
...changing your perception, for all intents and purposes, can change the world.

It may be that wondering about what was true is just a continuation of one of my bad habits, getting wrapped up in the past, and I should instead be focused on what is true. However, at the same time, I feel like can't really decide which way to go, when I'm unsure of where I've been. Perhaps it just this statement I recently came across that is haunting me, it may have more poetry in it than I have ever been able to capture.

Even memories for individuals with AvPD are comprised of intense, conflict-ridden, problematic early relationships. They must avoid the wounds inside of them at the same time they are avoiding the external distress of contact with others. The external environment brings no peace and comfort and their painful thoughts do not allow them to find solace within themselves (Millon & Davis, 1996, pp. 263-264).

Make It All Clear

2011-01-15T01:37:00.000-06:00

16volt - Alkali

After my last post, a couple people asked if my AvPD was a real diagnosis. Yes, yes it is. I suppose it is understandable, most people who know me, knew me in high school. Looking back at that time, I can see the signs of it, but it was not really a problem. It was not until shortly after high school that it really started to take hold of me, and it has progressed since then. I was not diagnosed until 2009... 2008? I can not remember, I am not so good with nailing down time. I was in therapy at the time, got the diagnosis, did something called Rapid Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing, which was... odd. Even since high school, I am not sure it is something anyone would notice, since I had learned there were a number of things about me that I just should not share with others, or that was how it seemed.

Even after the diagnosis, it is difficult to describe it to others. Most people have been depressed, or just down, at some point in there lives, and it is pretty typical when you feel that way to start thinking negatively. Which is perhaps, the main difference. I always think like that, it doesn't matter what my mood is, that is just they way I interpret things. I wish I had realized that was not the way it was supposed to work a long time ago. I think that might be part of the reason I feel compelled to write about this now, because this is not the kind of thing that people talk about. I have spent a lot of time lately wondering what would have been different if I had been diagnosed much earlier, or had known what kinds of things to look for when I was younger to realize that something was going off kilter. My near constant "what if"ing is actually one of those bad habits, so enough of that.

I have however, been trying to figure out how it progressed. For most people, this probably is not useful data, but who knows. I do know at the time these things seemed entirely normal to me, and to some extent they still do. What I did not realize was that these are not the only things that others experience, or at least, they should not be your standard reaction to things.

I think the first sign back in high school was the one I have already mentioned, how easy it is to brush aside compliments. The flip-side of that is the great significance I place on criticism. I do not view it as helpful advice, or even an attempt to make fun of me, but as an unfiltered condemnation as who I am as a person. If someone points out a mistake or a flaw, then it is something that must be 1) corrected immediately, or 2) hidden, while feeling shame and regret about not being able to correct it. This should then be followed by hours or years of "what-if"ing about said mistake, depending on its magnitude. This is a pretty unbalanced way to process what other people say. I think most people have trouble with criticism at times, and it can be too easy to shrug away a compliment, but putting great significance in one and none in the other is probably irrational. I once changed the way I walked because someone said I move "a bit awkwardly". Ever try to consciously change the way you move? It is a commitment. You could probably gauge how self conscious I am feeling by checking to see if I am moving naturally or not.

The second thing kind of goes hand-in-hand with the first one. I tend to undervalue how much other people like me. My standard assumption is that if someone does not know me, then they wish I was not there. That is my baseline. Above that are friends who spend time with me because they are either bored or take pity on me. Then there are girlfriends, who are settling for me because they have not found Mr. Right yet. I myself do not immediately dislike other people that I meet (most of the time), I enjoy the company of my friends, I have never settled for a relationship. Yet it seemed normal to assume that was how everyone else reacted to me. Not a balanced view of things. A couple years ago I could have said that the number of friends I made since 1998 was two or three. Now I do not know, I am sure I have underestimated that number, but I have no idea by how much. This is usually the part where someone says, "That's not how I feel about you". I know, but that does not really change anything. I think it might be easier to describe my condition to other people if I suffered from hallucinations. People seem to understand that you can know the hallucination is not real, but you still see it. Someone can tell me that this is not they way they feel about me, I can even come to the logical conclusion that I am misinterpreting someones reaction to me, but that does not change what I "see" in them. There is a bad connection in my brain somewhere, and this is just the way it works. It has been like this for a very long time and I suppose it always will be. Just to make things more confusing, there have been some individuals that I do not react this way to. They have been very, very few; and far between. I have no idea why that would be.

When you think that way about other people all the time, it pretty much follows to feeling isolated, and then actually being isolated by choosing to avoid being around other people. I am not really anti-social though, so then you have loneliness, and feeling that this is just the way things are supposed to be, the way they always will be. I had an entire lifetime of bad information to back up those beliefs. And that is a straight path towards depression. I feel somewhat lucky that my crazy wasn't really destructive to others, just to my self. So for the most part, I think I managed to avoid hurting any one. Except for one person, my last girl friend. That was when things were starting to get really bad, but I had not realized it yet. I can see now that I was drawing some very irrational conclusions about our relationship at the time, and of course, pushed her away. It may be that it was for the best, and I am not sure I have to words to apologize for it, but having caused her any amount of heart break is something that I regret.

So, that is what has come before. Now I know it is bad information, so I can start ignoring the "hallucinations", though they may still persist. I think that is as clear as I can make it for now.

Among the Faceless

2011-01-03T21:54:00.000-06:00

My first week at my new job, while walking past some cubicles, I heard some woman say, "I think I know that guy." I didn't quite hear them until I was already past, assumed they were talking about someone else, and continued. A week or two later, walking past the same area, I heard the same voice say, "I think I went to school with him." At this point it began to occur to me, that I might be that person in question. So, I avoided looking in their direction, and went on my way. Maybe a month later, while in the break room, some guy called "Joe! Hey Joe!" When I turned to see it was, I heard the guy ask "Did he look?", and that woman's voice reply, "Yes." Realizing I had been duped, I felt a bit annoyed, and returned to my desk without actually seeing who this mystery woman was. I still don't know who she is, or even what she looks like. This is my modus operandi.

I am always surprised when other people remember me. I tend to assume the role I play is just a bit part in other peoples lives. No matter how many times I've heard someone say, "Knowing you has changed my life", it always rings hollow. A cliched statement interjected into polite conversation like "Have a nice day." That kind of assumption has a far reach. Pretty much any compliment can fall under that umbrella. That's not to say that they all do. I always try to make sure that any compliment I give to another is a heartfelt one. These endearing statements passed between others are surely more truth than smoke. But not when they are directed at me. Just me.

I've written very little in the past couple years, mostly because I wasn't sure that this was something I wanted to write about. Yet, it is primarily what has occupied my thoughts during this time. Avoidant Personality Disorder, and how it's affected my life. That link says that about 1% of population has it, which seems completely insane to me (no pun intended). I've been reluctant to write about it, because this was meant to be interesting, thoughtful, and hopefully entertaining for the three people that read it. It seems to me that focusing on self examination would get away from that, though I certainly may have indulged in it before. I suppose however, that going off track is better than not writing at all.

This is something that has been difficult for me to wrap my mind around. Given my preoccupation with perception and reality, I suppose I've always had some subconscious insight into what was occurring. At the same time, it seems to have thrown my entire past into doubt. Reality is not what I thought it was. Finding out that every important decision you've made up to the present may have been based on irrational beliefs is a bit unsettling. I feel like my past has been stolen from me, and replaced with a replica that just doesn't quite look right. Some things certainly make more sense now, but there is much I'm still unsure of.

Knowing about it, does mean that I can begin working to change it. Though I have found that changing a behavior when the thought pattern behind it is mostly unalterable, can be challenging. In the strictest sense, nothing at all has changed in my past, but perhaps my future can.

Making You Read

2010-07-15T21:53:00.000-05:00

When an internally consistent argument becomes disagreeable with people on both sides of the debate, it makes you wonder what's really going on. I could go on, but Zombie already did a good job of it, and I'm not sure I have anything to add to that.

Everything You Know is Wrong

2010-06-19T01:23:00.000-05:00

Ever felt like the "every one gets a trophy" rules don't coddle your awkward offspring enough? Well you're in luck, now losers are winners. I have a feeling that's going to catch on. Meanwhile, in the adult world, regulations on overdraft charges may prompt the end of free checking, benefiting those who can't manage their money, and punishing those who can. The consumer protection group that backed these regulations stated in a press release, "We don't feel these changes go far enough. What we really want, is to see you die in a fire."

Also, plastics will save your life, and organic foods will make you fat.

Carry on.

Child of Man

2010-05-21T16:53:00.000-05:00

I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that this isn't bigger news, but it seems world changing to me. At least, it will be in 20 or 30 years. This was accomplished by a team at the J. Craig Venter Institue, and I think I may have linked to it before, but here is a talk that Craig Venter gave at TED in 2008 about how he planned to create synthetic life.

Here's a link if the embedded video doesn't show up.

Why So Shy?

2010-04-06T16:12:00.005-05:00

An article I recently read says that about 20% of people have a personality trait called sensory perception sensitivity. Perhaps that is just a subset of the shy or introverted, but 20% seems fairly substantial to me.

These sensitive individuals are described as those who "pay more attention to detail, ...take longer to make decisions, are more conscientious, need more time to themselves in order to reflect, ...are more easily bored with small talk, ...more bothered by noise and crowds, more affected by caffeine, and more easily startled." The study showed more activity in certain regions of the brain when processing visual information. Though the study was focused on visual processing, this activity seems to be much broader, the article itself says "These brain areas are not simple used for vision itself, but for a deeper processing of input". The traits also seem to appear across a wide range of the animal kingdom, and aren't just limited to humans.

Of course, what peaked my interest was the perception aspect of this trait, and how it might affect someone's paradigm. There seems to be a correlation between this sensory sensitivity and whether a person is reactive or reflective. Look, an unnecessary and completely made up graphic:

I wonder how often people on differing ends of that distribution intermingle, I would guess not very often. A number of the traits seem like they would be easily prone to misunderstandings between people who are perceiving them differently. I've mentioned my own views on small talk before, and disinterest in small talk could certainly be mistaken as disinterest in the speaker. Large noisy crowds do tend to bother me, and a lot of times I don't say anything as I don't want to be the person who's always wanting to leave. That's a situation I think most people can identify with, from one side or the other. I've wondered before if people who feel comfortable among cacophony realize how abrasive it can be to those of us who aren't.

While I can easily understand my side of the graph, I'm not sure how easy it is to really understand the other side. If they aren't processing input, what are they processing? I'm not pretentious enough to believe that they aren't processing anything, but I'm not really sure what else there is.

CPSIA

2009-04-03T13:58:00.003-06:00

The Consumer Product Safety Improvement Act (CPSIA) isn't exactly news, but I found out recently that most of the people I know aren't really aware of some of the controversy surrounding it. This article on Forbes has a fairly good roundup of some of the consequences of the law, and as far as I know, any attempts made to modify the law have failed so far.

Where Does the Time Go

2009-03-29T18:00:00.000-06:00

So, about a year ago, the company I was working for had an employee art fair. It was a neat idea, although they only gave about 20 days between the announcement and when everything would be put on display. I knew it wasn't enough time for me to make something new, but it had inspired me to take a couple things that had been on my mind then and put them into a 3D scene. At the time, I figured it would take two, maybe three months to make it.

After about four months of working on it, it became fairly apparent that I had overestimated my ability, and probably underestimated the complexity of what I was trying to do. There were quite a few times I thought about writing something here, and a few times I even started to, but I kept telling myself that I decided to do this other project and I wanted to finish it, or at least have something to show for it, before getting back to writing.

I started over a couple times as it wasn't turning out the way I wanted it to, and I've basically put it aside for now. I've only completed about 20% of what I had originally pictured, and even what I do have I'm not that happy with, it has some flaws and less detail then what I would like it to have, but it's something.

Full image

A few months ago I realized that I had been making a few mistakes. One I've mentioned a few times here, that unhappiness can be defined as the distance between the reality that you believe, and the reality that is. I think this actually applies in a couple ways.

The first being my estimate of how long this project would take me, and even though I was somewhat aware of it fairly early in the process, it was still a difficult one to let go of. There was a part of me that thought I might just whip together everything that was missing in a burst of inspiration. Those unreasonable expectations made the project less enjoyable, more frustrating, and that frustration made the art project more like a chore then something I wanted to do, and my progress was that much slower for it.

The second mistake, or mistaken perception I had, I think was much worse. It's an insidious viewpoint, one I've seen other people take, with what I would describe as tragic consequences. Luckily, I held this viewpoint with something fairly minor, but I'm still pretty disappointed with myself that I fell into it. I'm not really sure what the best way to describe it is, I suppose we can call it the fear of "wasted time". That was what kept bringing me back to working on that picture, the thought that I just need to have something to show for the time I had spent working on it. That if I didn't have anything, that time I spent on it would have been wasted. I was too focused on getting results to appreciate what I was learning along the way. I could have stopped working on it before I had anything completed, and I still would have learned something. I still would have had that experience, that was bringing my ability closer to what I had originally overestimated it to be already. Instead though I was focused on what it could be, what I thought it should be, and anything less was failure.

Those two perceptions combined were pretty self defeating. Even if I had gotten the entire scene close to what I had first pictured, if it would have taken me three years, then at that point all I would have seen was something much less then what it should have been after three years of work. In some sense I do look at it that way, I'm not happy with the results I do have. It's a perception that's hard to let go of.

I find it somewhat disconcerting that I fell into that trap, as it was one I was already aware. I know I'm not perfect, but I do like to think that foreknowledge of these kinds of things would let me see them coming. I said I've seen people make this mistake with what I would call tragic consequences. That story is actually how I became aware of this point of view originally. When I was living with Jim & Cheryl I had a friend who was in an abusive marriage. I think she opened up to me about it more than with other people, because in some way I understood that what she needed most was some one who would listen, without telling her that she should leave him, that she was making a mistake. She already had those people in her life, who were always disapproving. Instead, I listened to it all, the good and the bad. I think she just needed someone to know, to understand, and I tried to be that person. There's more to it of course, but that's a whole other story. However, one time I did ask her, why hadn't she left him? Her first response was to say, "But, we've been together for eight years." It took me a while to realize the implications of that statement.

That wasn't the only reason she stayed of course, but I thought it was telling that it was the first thing she said. That marriage was eight years of her life that she didn't want to see as a failure, as wasted time. And that only becomes a tighter trap as time goes on, how can it get any easier when it's ten years, twenty? I don't believe that view point of wasted time can apply to the past, I don't think there's anything we can do today, that will change yesterday from meaningful to meaningless. But when that becomes the only reason left, when the fear of having wasted time already past is the only thing tying us to a situation that will never be what we want it to, perhaps we can waste that moment, and all the one's that follow. That would be tragic indeed.

Free Will

2008-04-15T21:28:00.003-05:00

A recent article in Wired discussed a study that may show how brain activity can predict your decisions before you make them. The study only involved very simple decision making, whether to push a button with your left or right hand, but they were able to predict what people would choose to do seven seconds before they did it. They didn't have complete accuracy, and say it may not apply to more complex decisions, but it does bring up an interesting subject.

Could our actions be predetermined by the laws of physics? If every thought and action could be linked to a chemical process in the brain, and those reactions were predictable, then animals would be organic machines, simply carrying out the programming encoded within their DNA. That may not be the case, but assuming that it is, does that leave any room for free will? I think that it could, and I'll come back to that.

For now, please watch this cartoon.

Double Slit Experiment

Ok, everyone familiar with quantum physics now? Good. Now this dealt with electrons specifically, but actually everything travels as a set of wave functions at the subatomic level. There are different interpretations of this, but I'll just stick to one as it doesn't really affect my main topic. So, in answer to the old question "If a tree falls in the forest, and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?", we would have to say yes, it does. And no, it doesn't. And at the same time, it didn't fall, and it exploded, and it traveled to mars. The wave function of the tree (or the wave function of every subatomic particle in the tree) and the air that would make the noise encompasses every possible path that they could take. And each of those possibilities has a chance of being true. Once observed, the wave function collapses into a single possibility. You could say that quantum physics restates my "perception is reality" belief as "reality is perception".

Quantum physics plays havoc with predestination. This raises some interesting possibilities to inject free will back into biology, even if our actions are based entirely on brain activity. Since we're also made of subatomic particles, the substance of our brains and the decisions that we make could also be said to exist in a wave function. When you pass a coworker in the hallway and they say "Hello", you say "Hello" back, do nothing, slap them the in the face, fall over and make a sound, chew your leg off, drop your pants, and every other possibility. However, we don't experience this because we are constantly observing ourselves and those around us, so the wave functions collapse immediately.

Since information is limited to the speed of light, we get to observe ourselves before others do, and collapse our own wave functions. Quantum mechanics is already the Pope of Weird Town, it doesn't really make it that much stranger to think that the observer may in some way be able to choose among those wave functions to affect their collapse. Bam, free will again.

That does leave one interesting question I will leave you with though. We aren't actually observing the chemical reactions in our brains, we're simply observing our own actions. In the experiment, the observers could monitor MRI activity and observe the brain making it's decision seven seconds before the subject acted. In such a situation, if the scientific observers are collapsing the wave function, before the person has become aware of his own thoughts, how does that affect free will?

Recycling Toxins

2008-04-08T22:16:00.006-05:00

I recently came across an article which stated that only a few years we may see plastics made from the air pollution byproducts of other manufacturing processes. Being a fan of efficient systems, I think this is a great idea. Here is a graphic to demonstrate the elegance of such a system.

For those who prefer that joke in video form, it's been done. Between material reuse and electricity generating clothing, the future looks like a bright utopia.

Meanwhile... On YouTube

2008-03-20T20:07:00.004-06:00

I've come across/been sent a number of videos lately, so I thought I would share them.

How many men does it take to build Stonehenge? One.

Awareness test more interesting than it sounds.

Nothing beats water balloons in slow motion.

Obligatory robot suits.

And... live action Mario.

Ingenious Means Genious? What A Country!

2008-03-10T23:39:00.002-06:00

There's something ingenious about garfield minus garfield.

Extra bonus psychiatry rant, that also doesn't explain the post title.

Moore's Law Has Nothing On This

2008-03-10T22:37:00.003-06:00

When an article has a title like Tiny Brain-Like Computer Created, how can I not comment on it? I think this article should give a fairly good glimpse of where nanotechnology is going to take us. A quantum computer whose transistors, rather than having 2 states, have 4.3 billion states, is the kind of idea that makes me salivate. Of course, that kind of application for these machines is still a long, long way off. Now we just need the tiny brain-like software.

It's Like A Segway Above the Waist

2008-03-10T00:25:00.004-06:00

Robotic Arm
Dean Kamen (inventor of the Segway) is working on a next generation prosthetic arm. It looks pretty impressive.

For Those Who've Missed the Debates

2008-03-07T00:08:00.001-06:00

...this should get you caught up.

Life Imitates Spam?

2008-03-04T23:56:00.003-06:00

You may recall my run down of an email about gas pumping tips a while back. Apparently someone has taken the "heated gas expands" tip a bit more seriously than I did. In fact, our very own Kansas City Star has the scoop. They say that back in 2006 they estimated that the estimated overpayment for gas amounted to $2.3 billion annually, because the standard temperature used to determine the price is about 5 degrees cooler than what it gets sold at.

The judge's order had these handy figures in it:

To apply D-1250 to petroleum sales, one adjusts the total sales price to reflect the temperature of the product in relation to the 60 degrees Fahrenheit standard. CAC ¶ 16. For example, if a retailer purchases 10,000 gallons of motor fuel from a wholesaler at a time when the fuel temperature is 90 degrees Fahrenheit, the retailer will pay the wholesaler for the volumetric amount when the fuel is measured at 60 degrees Fahrenheit – i.e. 2,310,000 cubic inches (231 cubic inches x 10,000 gallons). Without temperature adjustment, the retailer would pay for the expanded volume of 10,000 gallons of motor fuel measured at 90 degrees Fahrenheit – i.e. 2,357,800 cubic inches (235.78 cubic inches – the volume of a U.S. petroleum gallon measured at 90 degrees – x 10,000 gallons).

So, a gallon of gas at 60 degrees, has a volume of 231 cubic inches. Heated up to 90 degrees that expands to 235.78 cubic inches. That let's me check my math I used previously. I had used a volumetric expansion coefficient of 0.001 before, using the given data, I can use a similar chart to the one I linked to before to calculate what the coefficient actually is, and I get... 0.00124156. Well damn, I had meant to be generous, but I was a bit short. I had previously said that 10 gallons of gasoline heated from 40 degrees Fahrenheit to 80 degrees would net you 10.222222 gallons (a difference of 66 cents at $3 bucks a gallon), with the new coefficient I come up with 10.275902 gallons (a difference of 82 cents).

So, there's the updated math. On a day where the temperature of the gasoline stored in the ground changes by 40 degrees, you could possible be shorted 82 cents worth of gas if you choose to measure the sale by energy instead of volume. The class action lawsuit comes in at 5 degrees, or what would amount to a 1.2 cent variance per gallon. Not a big difference in my book, and in fact, you're only getting "screwed by the oil companies" if you live in a warm state. If you live in a cold state, it sounds like you're actually getting your fuel at a discount. I'm not sure I would agree with the idea that it's a ripoff anyway, since gas is sold by volume, and not by the amount of energy in it. Do we really need gas pumps that show how many joules of energy you've pumped into your tank? You know, some of that energy gets converted into matter when you drive down the highway. Stupid space & time, always trying to stick it to the little guy.

I couldn't bring myself to read past the third page of the suit for fear that I was getting dumber, but I did find this jewel that I think sums things up nicely:

Defendants advertise and sell the fuel at a specified price per gallon without expressly defining the term “gallon.”

Those bastards!

The Day We All Rolled 1s

2008-03-04T20:04:00.003-06:00

Gary Gygax has passed away. He was the co-creator of a game that brought countless hours of entertainment to geeks everywhere, inspired a hilarious Tom Hanks movie, and made my mother wonder if I was involved in something satanic.

He will be missed.

First They Came For The Smokers

2008-03-03T21:57:00.007-06:00

American beer companies are being sued for marketing to children with some of their new products (cause, you know, kids love their caffeine). I would say the writing is on the wall, but between this, wanting to put breathalyzers in every car, and zero-tolerance for blood alcohol content, I think we're well past that point.

Discrimination vs Discrimination

2008-02-27T22:55:00.002-06:00

I came across an interesting story a while back on a case of discrimination by way of Overlawyered. The summary as I understand it is this: a man has sexual reassignment surgery and becomes a woman, wants to have breast augmentation surgery at a Catholic hospital, hospital says they don't perform transgender related surgeries.

At first it seems like discrimination against a transgendered woman, however the hospital says they offer their services to transgendered individuals, this just isn't a service they offer. Each side of that dispute will all play out predictably in court I'm sure, what caught my interest was the general concept of personal freedom being at odds with religious freedom.

Given my freedom loving leanings, I prefer whichever option is the least limiting. The choice between not letting someone do something they want to do, or forcing someone to do something they don't want to do, isn't a very good one. Taken on their own without any specific examples, forcing someone to do something they don't want to do seems crueler, but I think that's just a visceral response to the word force.

It seems strange to me that two freedoms could be opposed to each other in such a way. I tend to lean towards whatever option means the government doesn't get involved, which in this original case would mean the hospital would not perform the surgery, and the woman would have to go somewhere else. Not exactly a good option though if that denial of service is widespread. If a different solution seems necessary in the widespread condition, is the hands off approach really correct in the individual case? Can you really say that all hospitals are required to offer transgender surgeries? I can't seem to make up my mind on this issue, and I've been going back and forth on it. Since this is a transgender related surgery for breast augmentation and not the sex reassignment itself (which I'm sure this hospital doesn't perform), the simplest path to a decision is to ask, "Does the hospital offer breast augmentation to other women?" If the answer is yes, then under existing law I don't believe they can deny this surgery to a transgender female, and if the answer is no, I don't see how the law can force a hospital to perform a surgery that it doesn't do.

However, that brings us back to Overlawyered's point that one type of diversity is being limited in order to enhance another diversity. If it turns out that the hospital must perform the surgery at the patients request, when there are already other hospitals that will perform it, no matter the reason for the refusal, I'm not sure that there is a net gain in freedom occurring. I'm not even sure it's a zero sum game, since the patient has other options available, and once the hospital is required to do something they feel is against their code of ethics, it's either go against their beliefs or get out of the health care business.

Just to be clear I don't agree with the hospitals viewpoint, if someone wants to change genders I could care less. There's just something about this case that strikes me as similar to an attempt to limit the KKK's freedom of speech because what they have to say is ugly. Popular opinion seems to be slowly turning against religious views for awhile now, and while I'm certainly no zealot, I do think that freedom of religion is right up there with the freedom of speech. This may be a cyclical thing, but I think what's turning the tide against religion is what was seen as attempts by religious authority figures to proscribe their moral guidelines on the populous in general. I'm leery of a case that seems to do the opposite. Must one side always attempt to impose it's viewpoint on the other? It seems like there should be a balance that can be struck where each side can co-exist in tandem, quietly despising each other like they were meant to.

I suppose I'm just a dreamer.

This Roundup Has No Name

2008-02-17T22:25:00.003-06:00

You may remember my mention of Google Maps street level view. Well, guess who's come to town?

Concerned about us running out of oil? Don't worry, we can always tap Titan, where black gold rains from the sky.

Mississippi is considering a "No fat people in restaurants law". This isn't the first time I've heard of something like this. A search on fat tax shows they aren't alone.

6% of internet users are responsible for 50% of add clicks. Less than 1% of my readers will care.

Raspberry turtle?

One of the energy trends I'm a big fan of, is recapturing energy. Like the energy spent walking.

Zombie hearts! I thought I already talked about this, I guess I was mistaken. Please allow me to correct that: Zombie hearts!

Giant Armadillo. Probably the last animal I would pick to made giant-sized.

The Little Death

2008-02-13T00:42:00.005-06:00

I came across a really good article on fear. While it no longer serves the same purpose that it once did, it still remains deeply embedded in our biology. Understanding it is one of the important pieces in understanding ourselves, and how our perceptions of reality may be distorted. Sure to come in handy once November rolls around.

And yes, the title is stolen from the litany against fear. All the cool kids are chanting it.

Stem Cell Treatments For Dogs

2008-02-07T23:40:00.000-06:00

Vets are getting in on the stem cell action. At first I thought of this story as a ridiculous reversal of the "You wouldn't put grandma to sleep, so why do it to your pets" adage (or was that "You put your dog out of it's misery, so why not grandma"?), but as I've thought about, it seems like a great idea. The medicine that is, not the euthanasia. With people willing to spend money on expensive medical treatments like this for their animals, it will be interesting to see if "pets as medical trial subjects" becomes a new pattern on the edge of medical technology. With cloned animals OKed by the FDA for consumption, cloned pets can't be too far away for the zoolatrous rich.

LHC

2008-02-05T20:35:00.000-06:00

...will very likely change our understanding of the universe forever

As the grand opening of the near light speed particle smashing Large Hadron Collider grows near, my mailbox is abuzz with the glee of physicists. The experiments carried out at this facility could... well, I guess the quote I led with about sums it up.

You Want Weird? We Can Provide.

2008-02-03T01:03:00.000-06:00

I haven't bothered linking to the Tom Cruise/Scientology video, because it seemed like small fries to me. Personally, I think if you weren't aware that Tom Cruise is a bit creepy and has a creepy laugh, then you just weren't paying attention. As Penny Arcade recently pointed out, if you want a real look into the eyes of madness, you should check out the Steven Fishman Deposition. Here is the first part of it:

Part 1

Recession For Dummies

2008-02-01T19:22:00.000-06:00

All the news about the impending recession has sparked a few office conversations about it. Mostly revolving around "What the heck is a recession anyway?" I've been meaning to figure that out myself, economics not being one of my strengths. HowStuffWorks has come to the rescue with an explanation.

It's A Dream Come True

2008-01-31T20:33:00.000-06:00

Finally, science has brought us monkey controlled robots.

Sweet.

This American Life

2008-01-28T11:30:00.000-06:00

For those of you who haven't heard of This American Life, I would recommend checking it out. It is a radio program on NPR whose format could be described as "story telling". I subscribe to the podcast myself, and the shows are also available for download, or can be listed to online. If you're not sure where to start, check out the favorites section.

Let Your Children Grow Up To Be Geneticists

2008-01-25T20:35:00.000-06:00

Synthetic life forms are coming back into the news as work is progressing on man-made bacteria. I've mentioned my thoughts on this type of technology before, but I recently came across a lecture that I thought was interesting about making modifications to DNA to change the way things work that seemed timely. Though not the same as synthetic life forms, modified life forms encompass many of the same possibilities and questions that wholly synthetic life forms do.

Programming DNA

Cyberwarfare

2008-01-24T21:23:00.000-06:00

"We have information that cyberattacks have been used to disrupt power equipment in several regions outside the U.S.," Donahue said. "In at least one case, the disruption caused a power outage affecting multiple cities."

This CIA statement at a recent SANS conference is the first official word I've heard of successful attacks against power grids. I wonder if it is related to the attacks on Estonia last year.

In a way I see these types of attacks as part of our transition to a Type I Civilization. I first heard about the civilization types from an interview of Michio Kaku. While the civilization types on the Kardashev scale refer specifically to harnessing energy, Michio Kaku describes it in a more general sense, where many aspects of society can be classified on this scale. This always made sense to me, our society is greatly affected by the technology available to us, which is directly dependent on the energy we have available. I highly recommend the article by Dr. Kaku, however, for those of you that want the short version, a Type I Civilization is a global civilization. We are currently a Type 0 or a pre-global civilization, but we are well on our way to Type I (we're about a 0.7).

If the internet could be called a Type I communication system, then these attacks utilizing the internet to target cities or nations could be called Type I attacks. Likewise, I think that The Pentagon's New Map as a way to transition from Type 0 security, to Type 1 security. Where Dr. Barnett may describe it as a transition from a disconnected society, to a connected society in the process of globalization, I see it as the first step necessary to insure our survival, something I've touched on before. I actually considered talking about the civilization types in my previous article, and I actually did end with that scalar progression.

If we get off this planet, then we can survive a global event. (Type II) If we spread beyond the solar system, we can survive the unfortunate star deaths that occur every now and then. (Type III) If we spread beyond the milky way, chances are pretty good that's we'll be around till the end of the universe, (Type IV) which will hopefully give us enough time to find a new one of those too (Type V).

Of course, we still need to make it to Type I.

2 Tons of Rodent

2008-01-17T23:17:00.000-06:00

Forget the capybara, this is the real giant rat.

Capitalist Russia

2008-01-16T00:51:00.000-06:00

Thomas Barnett pointed out a great article on Russia, and the position they've taken on the world stage. I've found myself captured by these kinds of articles lately while reading Dr. Barnett's book "The Pentagon's New Map". It turns out that he spoke about some of the topics in his book at Ted back in 2005.

You Smell Like Sad

2008-01-14T23:37:00.000-06:00

Apparently, depressed people also have a depressed sense of smell, and end up slathering on the perfume and cologne. Feel free to make up your own "being in a funk" joke. Try not to be alarmed when your shrink begins sniffing you.

On the up side, depression leads to weight loss, and will likely be available in pill form at some point. I would recommend taking them in combination with the memory loss pills, then it's like a do-over.

I Wish I Could Make Up Stuff This Funny

2008-01-03T20:05:00.001-06:00

Scientists who want to gain a better understanding of why the polar ice is receding, have designed the first ship capable of crushing ice in all directions, while simultaneously drilling a hole through millions of years worth of ice down to the sea floor. The captain of the ship had these words put in his mouth.

No one will question whether or not humans are responsible for the disappearance of the ice caps once we get done... with our research.

The ship will be named the Aurora Borealis, of course named after the pretty lights in sky that signify when cosmic death rays are injecting our atmosphere with vitamin cancer.

Pet the Dog

2008-01-03T00:19:00.000-06:00

Some of the music I ask for over the holidays always seems to be hard to find. This year the problem CD seemed to be Paw, which I was kind of surprised of, since they're local. And really, how can you not love a grunge band from Lawrence, Kansas with refrains like:

I ran away, dog tagged along
I lost the dog, it broke my heart

Paw - Jessie
Yes, "Scratch my ear" indeed.

By the Way

2007-12-31T13:15:00.000-06:00

This has been active for awhile but I keep forgetting to mention it. If anyone's still typing in the address, either fetalminds.com or josephcerra.com will now land you here.

Advice From Strangers

2007-12-30T19:02:00.001-06:00

A friend forwarded the following email to me and asked what my opinion was.

Maybe we can keep a few cents in our pockets.

TIPS ON PUMPING GAS (Good information)
I don't know what you guys are paying for gasoline.... but here in California we are also paying higher, up to $3.50 per gallon. But my line of work is in petroleum for about 31 years now, so here are some tricks to get more of your money's worth for every gallon..

Here at the Kinder Morgan Pipeline in San Jose , CA we deliver about 4 million gallons in a 24-hour period thru the pipeline. One day is diesel the next day is jet fuel, and gasoline, regular and premium grades. We have 34-storage tanks here with a total capacity of 16,800,000 gallons.

Only buy ! or fill up your car or truck in the early morning when the ground temperature is still cold. Remember that all service stations have their storage tanks buried below ground. The colder the ground the more dense the gasoline, when it gets warmer gasoline expands, so buying in the afternoon or in the evening....your gallon is not exactly a gallon. In the petroleum business, the specific gravity and the temperature of the gasoline, diesel and jet fuel, ethanol and other petroleum products plays an important role.

A 1-degree rise in temperature is a big deal for this business. But the service stations do not have temperature compensation at the pumps.

When you're filling up do not squeeze the trigger of the nozzle to a fast mode. If you look you will see that the trigger has three (3) stages: low, middle, and high. In slow mode you should be pumping on low speed, thereby minimizing the vapors that are created while you are pumping. All hoses at the pump have a vapor return. If you are pumping on the fast rate, some of the liquid that goes to your tank becomes vapor. Those vapors are being sucked up and back into the underground storage tank so you're getting less worth for your money. One of the most important tips is to fill up when your gas tank is HALF FULL or HALF EMPTY. The reason for this is, the more gas you have in your tank the less air occupying its empty space. Gasoline evaporates faster than you can imagine. Gasoline storage tanks have an internal floating roof. This roof serves as zero clearance between the gas and the atmosphere, so it minimizes the evaporation. Unlike service stations, here where I work, every truck that we load is temperature compensated so that every gallon is actually the! exact a mount. Another reminder, if there is a gasoline truck pumping into the storage tanks when you stop to buy gas, DO NOT fill up--most likely the gasoline is being stirred up as the gas is being delivered, and you might pick up some of the dirt that normally settles on the bottom.

Hope this will help you get the most value for your money.

DO SHARE THESE TIPS WITH OTHERS!

My first thought is that it's a hoax. Kind of a pointless one, like a chain letter in disguise. There are a couple things that these types of emails have in common, which makes me suspicious of this one. The introduction itself starts off badly. It begins with the assumption that you don't know the person who originally sent the email. It gives personal details of the sender to give it more authority. It works well for chain letters, but it's an unnatural thing to do when you email the people in your contact list. Then email also ends with a request to send it on to other people. Generally I assume that increases the chance that an email is bogus by about 30%.

My favorite place to check the authenticity of an email, is Snopes, which researches urban legends and these types of chain emails to find out if there is any truth in them. I found a similar version of this email there, which currently has a status of undetermined and says that research is in progress. It also says it was collected in February of 2007, so this email is fairly recent, and already has multiple versions. I'm not much of a fan so far, but even if the entire background is fictitious, the tips themselves might be good, just to help spread the email around, since that is the point.

Tip 1: The temperature/density of gas can make a significant difference
I first heard this tip four or five years ago when my boss sent me to a "How to be an empowered woman in the workplace" seminar (don't ask). While it's true that things expand when they warm up, generally that expansion doesn't amount to much. I decided to try and figure out the mechanics myself, and according to The Properties of Petroleum Fluids, Petroleum: Its History, Origin, Occurrence, Production, Physical and Chemical Constitution, Technology, Examination and Uses, some chart I found, and this calculator; the most generous numbers show that 10 gallons of gasoline heated from 40 degrees Fahrenheit to 80 degrees will net you 10.222222 gallons of gasoline. So at three dollars a gallon, that would be a saving of 66 cents, on a day with a 40 degree swing in the temperature. Not what I'd call significant, but it's more than I expected. I also have no idea if that math is correct or not, I may be mixing my measurements. Feel free to toss a container of gas out into the snow overnight to double check me.

(Update: A slight correction to the math is located here)

Tip 2: Don't fill up when a delivery is being made
This is another one that sounds like it has a grain of truth to it. I suppose it's possible to test this one if I collect samples from the pump during & after deliveries and compared them. Feel free to start without me. I can tell you from personal experience working at a gas station that I was never asked to crawl down into the gas storage tanks and clean them out. I did on occasion drop stuff down there that didn't belong, like snow, leaves, and G.I. Joe's though.

Tip 3: Gas evaporates faster than you can imagine, fill up more often
Tip 4: Pump your gas slowly, so it doesn't evaporate
The other tips kind of contradict each other. I also found a tip from Howstuffworks that recommends not keeping a full tank, so you aren't lugging around as much weight. I'm also pretty sure that pumps don't have a "vapor return" in order to gather up gas fumes, but they do have one designed to turn of the pump when your tank is full (half way down).

None of these tips sound harmful in any way, so feel free to follow the ones that make sense to you. If you really want to conserve gasoline though, your best bet is still public transportation, or car pooling.

It Begins

2007-12-21T01:53:00.000-06:00

Wearable Robot

The RIAA: Still Run By Idiots

2007-12-19T23:49:00.000-06:00

This article from ars technica shows how little progress has been made on the digital copyright front. Basically, the RIAA, now famous for suing teens and grandmothers, is still sticking to the extreme position that taking a CD that you own, and saving the music to your hard drive, for your own personal use, is illegal. This seems to imply that, well, pretty much anyone that owns a computer, and has put a music CD in it, is a criminal.

Which is funny, because that's what I've come to think of the music industry as. I was actually on their side in the beginning. All the Napsters, and Groksters were obviously illegal. I could sympathize with the trouble caused by the spread of some very inaccurate information about copyright and fair use that was used to justify these acts. However, so far the best the music industry has been able to come up with to combat the problem, is hacking your computer. The Sony case is the worst example, but many implementations of Digital Rights Management have essentially been unauthorized modification of a computer system. Hypocrisy tends to annoy me.

It seems like the entertainment industry has no intention of working on a solution for the problems with copyright, and their inability to keep up with the mediums that copyrighted works can be made available in. This argument really hasn't changed since 1984, just the technology. Here we are in December of 2007, and dare I use the phrase "broken record"?

There seem to be some serious problems here that refuse to go away. Is the idea of victimless copying so anathema, that a revision of the concepts of ownership and license is impossible?

All The News I Wasn't Posting About Last Month

2007-12-12T22:11:00.000-06:00

Weather forecasts, soon to come with liability.

The online comic Achewood cracks me up. I think this comic captures it's unique brand of humor well.

Giant scorpion.

Gravity can turn the sky into stripes. Who knew?

Apparently, we're hard wired to pay attention to scared faces. I know when I walk into a room, my attention is always drawn to the one that's screaming.

Science still thinking about energy, promises to call.

I am intrigued by the idea of online glasses.

If You Happen To Know Any

2007-12-12T00:26:00.000-06:00

I found a fairly good description of introverts. You may find it informative.

What's In A Name

2007-12-11T00:14:00.000-06:00

A number of people I know are looking for new names for new people, and I thought I would offer some suggestions. Not in an actual name, but that they take into account how a persons name can impact their life. There's also alphabetic discrimination, but I doubt I'm going to convince anyone to hand out a different surname.

Also, I would like to take this opportunity to state that I think double barreled last names are stupid. If there is a hyphen in your last name, I am likely to ignore everything after the hyphen, to express my displeasure. It's not that I think people should conform to tradition, I just think it's bad math. Allow me to demonstrate how name hyphenation will destroy the human race in five generations.

Generation 0: Sanity
People have one last name. Sometimes they make up new last names, this is politely not mentioned. Some eccentrics have multiple middle names, this is tolerated, since any number of middle names can easily be ignored. However, patient zero, the name extremist, who we will refer to as John Doe, decides together with Jane Smith, that they will change their surnames to Doe-Smith. This mutation turns out to be dominant, and is passed on to their children.

Generation 1: The Double Barreled Generation
The danger signs are ignored, and Jacob Doe-Smith marries Lucy Johnson-Williams. Their name becomes Jonson-Doe-Williams-Smith. Their children, weighed down by their own names, begin to suffer from chronic joint pain, and pretentiousness.

Generation 2: The Names Are Marching Four By Four
Beginning to sense what is on the horizon, some citizens attempt to replace the name between each hyphens with only the first letter of each name. Sadly, most last name combinations of this generation spell filthy words. While hilarious, the plan is abandoned.

Generation 3: Octogenamians
Unable to tell how closely Zimmerman-Donaldson-Forest-Smith-Johnson-Torres-White-Doe is related to Donaldson-Johnson-Smith-Doe-Forest-White-Zimmerman-Torres, a noticeable jump in inbreeding is detected by genealogists.

Generation 4: Allow Me To Introduce My Friend Clarence Harris-Jackson-.... You Know, He's Not Worth It
Feature films are now 20 minutes, with 100 minutes of credits. At camps everywhere, children are unable to write their names on their clothes & lunches. Streets and buildings are no longer named after people, leaving nothing to strive for.

Generation 5: The End of Days
With names like Smith-Johnson-Williams-Jones-Brown-Davis-Miller-Wilson-Moore-Taylor-
Anderson-Thomas-Jackson-White-Harris-Martin-Thompson-Garcia-Martinez-Robinson-Clark-
Rodriguez-Lewis-Lee-Walker-Hall-Allen-Young-Hernandez-King-Wright-Lopez, official documents first two pages are now reserved for "PRINT NAME" boxes. Due to the number of typos, paper consumption is grossly underestimated. Rampant deforestation, and the high percentage of the national budget spent on phone book subsidies bring both the economy and the environment to a swift and brutal collapse. As the human race reverts to primitive and violent behaviors, people are no longer able to finish calling out their lovers names before being executed by raiding parties, and thus are unable to reunite in heaven. Everything sucks a big one.

Leviathan

2007-12-05T21:28:00.001-06:00

Another talk from TED, on the history of violence. This ties in with a book I'm currently reading, The Pentagon's New Map. There are some themes here that I will probably return to at some point.

Steven Pinker: A brief history of violence

Time To Replace That Birthstone Jewelry

2007-12-05T20:05:00.000-06:00

Pointing out flaws in Astrology is not exactly groundbreaking, but I found this amusing. Livescience has a list of what your zodiac sign really is, based the modern star and sun positions, and an explanation of why the constellations change position over time. There is also a link to an page that is suppose to let you check your specific day and time of birth, but it was horribly broken when I tried it.

Commercial Convinces Me To Throw Balls Into Oncoming Traffic

2007-11-27T21:31:00.000-06:00

How come no one told me about these awesome commercials? Shame on you.

Building Exploding with Paint
Streets Filled with Superballs
Streets Filled with Play-Doh Rabbits

Keeping Sales A Secret

2007-11-26T12:52:00.000-06:00

I've recently had a couple conversations about "Black Friday" sales, and some retailers odd habit of threatening websites with lawsuits for publishing their sales info. The NY Times recently had a good roundup of the Black Friday strong arming, for those that are interested.

So Many Peaks

2007-11-26T12:04:00.000-06:00

Forget about Peak Oil, and Peak Water. The new "Peak" to scare the crap out of me, is Peak Internet. That's right, we could run out of internet. The basic gist of the article is that a version of Moore's Law applies to most things on the internet, except to access, so that the demand will outstrip providers ability to supply, especially with the increased consumption of videos. Unlike other "Peaks" predictions of decades or centuries, Peak Internet has the hutzpa to predict the first internet brownouts in a mere two years. The article also states that the studies recommendation is that congress should solve things for us. Uh huh, good luck with that.

My predictions are that by the end of next year someone will be talking about "bandwidth conservation", and that providers will end up increasing their investments in the internet backbone and nothing will come of it. And if I'm wrong, you will have forgotten about this post, will no longer have access to it, and I can safely never mention it again.

Touch

2007-11-15T00:13:00.000-06:00

There was an interesting article on LiveScience about how toddlers interacted with a robot. The secret wasn't in making the robot soft and fuzzy, but to give the robot a sense of touch, so that it would react when touched by the children.

That seems profound to me. That bond isn't formed when you touch me, or even when I touch you, but when I know that you felt my touch. That you were affected by me. It's that common human desire, to know that we've affected the people in our lives, left our mark upon them, illustrated in such a basic form.

Turning Spam Into Chuckles

2007-11-12T01:14:00.000-06:00

If you don't know what a Nigerian 409 scam is, you can find info on them here.

From: Amao Ajegu
To: Xuthus

DEAR SIR, WE ARE SENDING THIS LETTER TO YOU BASED ON INFORMATION GATHERED FROM THE FOREIGN TRADE OFFICE OF THE NIGERIAN CHAMBER OF COMMERCE AND INDUSTRY. WE BELIEVE THAT YOU WOULD BE IN A POSITION TO HELP US IN OUR BID TO TRANSFERTHE SUM OF FORTY-ONE MILLION,FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS ($41.5M USD) INTO A FOREIGN ACCOUNT. WE ARE MEMBERS OF THE SPECIAL COMMITTEE FOR BUDGET AND PLANNING OF THE MINISTRY OF PETROLEUM, THIS COMMITTEE IS PRINCIPALLY CONCERNED WITH CONTRACT APPRAISALS AND APPROVAL OF CONTRACTS IN ORDER OF PRIORITIES AS REGARDS CAPITAL PROJECT OF THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT OF NIGERIA. WITH OUR POSITIONS, WE HAVE SUCCESSFULLY SECURED FOR OURSELVES THE SUM OF FORTY-ONE MILLION, FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATE DOLLARS(US$41.5M). THIS AMOUNT WAS ACCUMULATED THROUGH UNDECLARED WINFALL FROM SALES OF CRUDE OIL DURING THE IRAQ WAR. WHAT WE NEED FROM YOU IS TO PROVIDE A SAFE ACCOUNT INTO WHICH THE FUNDS WILL BE TRANSFERRED SINCE GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS ARE NOT ALLOWED BY OUR LAWS TO OPERATE FOREIGN ACCOUNT. IT HAS BEEN AGREED THAT THE OWNER OF THE ACCOUNT WILL BE COMPENSATED WITH US$8.3 MILLION OF THE REMITTED FUNDS, WE KEEP US$31.125MILLION WHILE US$2.075MILLION WILL BE SET ASIDE TO OFFSET EXPENSES AND PAY THE NECESSARY TAXES. IT MAY INTEREST YOU TO KNOW THAT TWO YEARS AGO A SIMILAR TRANSACTION WAS CARRIED OUT WITH ONE MR. PATRICE MILLER, THE PRESIDENT OF CRAINE INTERNATIONAL TRADING CORPORATION AT NUMBER ---, EAST --TH STREET,--TH FLOOR, NEW YORK ----- WITH TELEPHONE (---)-------- AND TELEX NUMBER -------, AFTER THE AGREEMENT BETWEEN BOTH PARTNERS IN WHICH HE WAS TO TAKE 25% THE MONEY WAS DULY TRANSFERRED INTO HIS ACCOUNT ONLY TO BE DISAPPOINTED ON OUR ARRIVAL IN NEW YORK AS WE WERE RELIABLY INFORMED THAT MR. PATRICE MILLER WAS NO LONGER ON THAT ADDRESS WHILE HIS TELEPHONE AND TELEX NUMBERS HAVE BEEN REALLOCATED TO SOMEBODY ELSE, THAT IS HOW WE LOST US$27.5M TO MR PATRICE MILLER. THIS TIME AROUND WE NEED A MORE RELIABLE AND TRUSTWORTHY PERSON OR A REPUTABLE COMPANY TO DO BUSINESS WITH HENCE THIS LETTER TO YOU, SO IF YOU CAN PROVE YOURSELF TO BE TRUSTED AND INTERESTED IN THIS DEAL THEN WE ARE PREPARED TO DO BUSINESS WITH YOU. WHAT WE WANT FROM YOU IS THE ASSURANCE THAT YOU WILL LET US HAVE OUR SHARE WHEN THIS AMOUNT OF US$41.5M IS TRANSFERRED INTO YOUR ACCOUNT. IF THIS PROPOSAL SATISFIES YOU, PLEASE CONTACT ME STRICTLY THROUGH MY E-MAIL STATED ABOVE SO WE CAN ADVICE YOU ON THE MODALITIES OF THE TRANSACTION. ALL MODALITIES OF THE TRANSFER HAVE BEEN WORKED OUT AND ONCE STARTED WILL NOT TAKE MORE THAN 14 WORKING DAYS WITH THE ABSOLUTE SUPPORT OF ALL CONCERNED. THIS TRANSACTION IS 100% SAFE. PLEASE TREAT AS URGENT AND VERY CONFIDENTIAL. GOD BE WITH YOU AS I LOOK FORWARD TO YOUR REPLY. BEST REGARDS. CHIEF AMAO AJEGU.

This is an email I received a couple of weeks ago with my old email address. It's a classic 419 scam, and I decided to string the guy along and see just how ridiculous I could be and still get a reply. I didn't want to appear too eager, so I decided to pretend to be busy with "charity" work.

From: Xuthus
To: Amao Ajegu
Dear Mr. Ajegu,

I appreciate your email, and I wish you the best of luck in your work.
Though I would like to help you, I'm afraid my church is quite busy with
other charities at the moment. Your mission to take oil money from Iraqis
and to give it to Americans does sound like a just and righteous one, and I
do wish you well in finding a trustworthy soul to assist you in God's work.

God bless,
Rev. Xuthus Hardere

I also decided to pretend to be a reverend since Nigerian scam artists always pretend to be devoutly religious.

From: Amao Ajegu
To: Xuthus
Dear Rev. Xuthus Hardere,

Thank you for your response and concern shown to my offer.Though you have
made your point why you are afraid of helping me out in the project proposed
as the church is busy with other charities at the moment.How? Could you
explain further to me sir.Perhaps this might of interest if it is geared
towards the work of God.

Sir I really appreciate your advise and good wishes and would want a more
communication between us in the near future if this deal I proposed does not
work out as you have asked me to seek a trustworthy soul to assist? How?
Are you not trustworthy?

God bless.

Amao Ajegu.

So far so good. Now to turn on the wacky.

From: Xuthus To: Amao Ajegu
Dear Mr. Ajegu

I'm sorry I haven't written back to you sooner. I have been on assignment in Arkansas, distributing canned goods and Heroes DVDs to needy children. That show is righteous. Arkansas sadly, is not on the intertubes. I don't know how people can live like that.

This work is what is keeping me busy over the next couple weeks. If there is any assistance you could offer, I would certainly be interested. Please let me know if you know of a way to get some cheap food and DVDs. No questions asked, eh?

I do feel though that you may have misunderstood me. I only wished you luck as my charitable counterfeiting will keep me busy for another couple weeks still, and I a sure that a rare opportunity like this will be leapt upon before my schedule gives me an chance to assist you.

Praise Jebus,
Rev. Xuthus Hardere

Sadly, I didn't get a response from this one. Guess I over did it. There are actually groups of people that do this for a hobby, it's called scam baiting.

Not Quite TV

2007-11-07T00:15:00.000-06:00

I read some speculation that the writers strike may give a boost to online entertainment. I'm not sure if that's something that will happen, but I coincidentally started using a program called Joost that provides streaming video that includes a mix of licensed television content, and internet content. It appears to be ad supported, and the ads are pretty minimal compared to television.

They've attracted a lot of VC interest lately, and it would be great to see a new form of media like this take off.

(And yes, there's also a Mac client)

Walking Towards Peril Is A Cool Band Name - Has Nothing To Do With This Post

2007-10-31T00:07:00.000-06:00

You may recall some false stories published by the New Republic I previously mentioned back in August that I used as an example of why I don't trust the media with political stories. Michael Yon has weighed in with a thoughtful defense for the author that is perhaps overdue.

Scientists find the "grow another eyeball gene". Ah, the possibilities...

New hottest pepper found, weighing in on the hotness scale with a score of 1 million SHUs. Which is apparently five times as hot as police grade pepper spray. I know what I'm bringing to the next company pot-luck.

Our galaxy may potential get a chance at a second life, if it can find a smaller weaker galaxy to steal it from. Neat.

You do not want to see this message.

Soon to Become My Least Favorite Topic

2007-10-30T00:10:00.000-06:00

I recently watched 10 ways the world could end, and was disappointed that total existence failure didn't make the list. Overall I think it's a pretty good list of things we need to take steps to be prepared for, I believe I may have mentioned my interest in species survival previously. One thing it made me think about, was global warming, which I think could be added as number 11 to the above list.

A couple people have asked about my views on global warming recently (or misstated them), and while I've mentioned that I'm not happy with the way it's being portrayed to the public, creating a public sentiment that accuses the Washington Post of being tied to "big oil" when they ran a story on some of the problems a UK court found in Al Gore's movie, even though the IPCC generally agrees with them....

Ahem, where was I? Oh yes, my views. Well, here's the thing, I can't make heads or tails out of the science of climatology (the real science, I have mentioned that what the public is being told is oversimplified to the point of meaninglessness haven't I?). Of course, most of the people who do have opinions on what we should be doing, also can't make heads or tails out of the science of climatology. There was actually a day last month during which bloggers were supposed to give other people advice on what they could do to solve global warming. You may have noticed I didn't participate. I did however spend the day contemplating why it's a problem at all, when every Tom Dick & Jane apparently knows how to fix it.

I believe we should understand what the problem is, before trying to come up with a solution. The "solution first, ask questions later" scenario is one I'm presented with almost daily, and I've perfected the half-amused half-annoyed half-raised-eyebrow response. However, there are some pretty smart people out there that believe they have a good understanding of the problem, and I'm prepared to listen to them. I particularly like Bjorn Lomborg, whose view that focusing on carbon emissions is a mistake, as it's not the best way to prevent the problems that are being predicted (I highly recommend the linked article). Scott Adams recently had a post on Bjorn's appearance on Bill Maher's Real Time, and how he was practically called a global warming denier, even though he believes global warming is occurring and that humans are causing it. He just doesn't think that driving a hybrid is going to change anything. I think that sums up my position pretty well, I'm just not as convinced on the reasons behind the temperature changes.

Political Instinct

2007-10-24T23:22:00.000-05:00

Apparently, the initial impression made from how a politician looks can swing the vote by about 10%. And, while I didn't plan to link to an Onion video (nsfw) again so soon, this was too perfect to pass up.

Memories

2007-10-23T23:32:00.000-05:00

FactCheck had an interesting response to a Washington Post article about how trying to fight against misconceptions may enforce them. How belief and memory are intrinsically linked. The description of how some symbols in memory might be forgotten more easily is one of the best descriptions I think I've ever heard for the fallibility of memory. I think instead of having a "Negative" symbol that detaches from memories, I have a "This was a dream" symbol that becomes unassociated with my memories of my dreams over time. This means that you can tell me completely fabricated and outlandish stories about yourselves under the "I had this dream the other night..." pattern, and there's a good chance I'll believe it's true one day.

From this point forward, I will now be suspicious of your motivations when you tell me about your dreams.

David Bohm on Perception

2007-10-21T00:11:00.001-05:00

I came across this video, which shows a physicists take on perception.

David Bohm on Perception

More Research Is Needed

2007-10-16T20:19:00.000-05:00

Study: Multiple Stab Wounds May Be Harmful To Monkeys

Giant Fossils

2007-10-16T01:41:00.000-05:00

Filling the dearth of giant animal stories, comes news of the discovery of what may be a new giant sized dinosaur. Much like George Washington (NSFW), this lizard was four stories tall and made of radiation. The animal has been named the Futalognkosaurus Dukei, which is not much fun to say. I'm starting an online petition to change the name to Ginormasaurus.

Since this story disappointingly comes with no pictures, giant catfish.

update: Apparently the first site I linked to is trapped in the early 90's and doesn't want anyone linking to them. Because, you know, then people might find their website on the intertubes, or they might get listed on "The Google". The link has been pointed to a different giant catfish.

The Evidence Against Me

2007-10-15T03:13:00.000-05:00

Sometimes people ask me if I'm worried about my bosses reading my blog, or a future employer looking up my blog after an interview. That really isn't something I've worried about much, as any employer that wouldn't hire me because of the things I've written here is a company staffed by idiots, and I don't want to work there. However, Overlawyered linked to an article about lawyers using social media as evidence. Now, I don't expect that I will end up in a custody battle or anything, but really, who puts that in their five year plan? If I do someday end up in a nasty lawsuit, would I want the things I've written or will write here to be used as character evidence? In a way, that's partly why I'm doing it, as a way to show people part of my character that they might not normally see. But really, how can this do anything but hurt me if it ends up in a court of law? I don't think I'll change anything in what I write because of it, but that's just me and I'm late to the game.

I suppose it will be pretty common place now to do an internet search for the name and email address of anyone you interview, sue, go on a date with, or bump into on the elevator. Even though I already knew that, it seems a bit different, when there is something that might be returned now. I wonder how many people aren't aware of it? It's certainly one of the unintended side effects of the internet, and one that might turn out to be pretty big.

Knowledge

2007-10-10T01:16:00.000-05:00

I've come across some good resources for learning online lately, that I thought I would mention.

Mango, has free language courses online. LiveMocha has the same, but with online chat so that you can practice with others.
hat tip: lifehacker

UC Berkeley is putting their course lectures on YouTube.

And here's MIT's OpenCourseWare.

Happy Thoughts

2007-10-08T23:46:00.000-05:00

I decided to contribute to the "Happy Thoughts" white board at work. My happy thought got erased in about 15 minutes. Apparently, I am not very good at happy thoughts. If you have any suggestions, let me know.

Misplaced Words

2007-10-08T02:03:00.000-05:00

When I was writing more frequently, I would often grab a piece of paper, and write down stray thoughts as they came to me. These notes would often be put the side, and then forgotten. There would be notes left on end tables, the floor near the TV, the couch, the kitchen counters, my pillow... well, you get the idea, pretty much anywhere I happened to be when something came to me. This was a bad habit, especially when I had room mates.

Click for full size

A couple of times I would come home to find that my roommate had company over, and that the first impression they had of me, was seeing something like the note on the left. I'm not sure that's the way I would choose to introduce myself to someone. His visitors rarely come over more than once. However, I'm a bit of a connoisseur when it comes to weird looks from strangers, and generally just found this amusing.

The thing that ended up getting me to break this habit, was notes like the one on the right, that were specifically addressed to someone. I remember that one specifically, I was in my bedroom with the girl this was written about, and I noticed it out of the corner of my eye. I thought I had indiscreetly turned the note over while she was looking at something else, but when she turned back she said "I already read it." A few more of those encounters I thought had cured me of this bad habit, but of course, now I'm putting everything on the internet.

Is it Legal to Clone a Neanderthal?

2007-10-05T13:03:00.000-05:00

Scott Adams recently had a post about cloning Homo Erectus. The post was funny, but got me thinking (I believe he calls this "philosotainment"), would it be illegal to clone one of our ancenstors? Obviously, cloning laws are different depending on which state/country you are in, but generally "human cloning" is not allowed. I couldn't track down the actual text of the law, but I suspect the law itself uses the word "human". That's not as specific as Homo Sapien, but what else does human mean? Is a neanderthal a human? If it is, even though they're a different species, where do you draw the line? Pretty far back according to some.

If woolly mammoth hair has good DNA, chances are that there is some pretty good caveman dna out there. You know it's going to come up at some point.

More Random News Items

2007-10-02T01:20:00.000-05:00

I've mentioned FactCheck before as a good resource for verifying political statistics. There are a couple other fact-check-like resources, that I found out about from FactCheck.

PolitiFact
FactCheck had this to say about them:

The new site does something we don't. It offers a "truth-o-meter" that rates statements by the 2008 presidential candidates on a scale from "true" through "half true" to "pants on fire." We tend to leave "truth" to theologians and philosophers and aspire to nothing more lofty than sorting out mundane facts and figures. We admire their panache.

And the Washington Post's Fact Checker. These may be valuable resources, especially over the next year.

A friend's car died recently, and this seemed timely: How to buy a car without getting screwed

The California judicial system showed it wasn't completely crazy, by throwing out a lawsuit aiming for the pockets of car manufacturers over global warming. Their return from bizarro world didn't last long, as two days later there was a story that Santa Cruz decided to overturn a smoking ban in a local park for one day, so that medical marijuana users could light up. Chances are good that one of those will be appealed, and possibly overturned. Want to guess which one?
Hat tip: Overlawyered

These bugs pretend to be a different sex, both the males & the females. Apparently they evolved that way to avoid their odd form of breeding, which sounds very unappealing. Seems like an evolutionary dead end to me.

32 AA batteries for $5? Lifehacker has a battery hack round-up, which could save money if you don't mind a little prying.

Here is an article about honesty. Is being honest all the time empowering and uplifting, or just a good excuse to be a jerk? Read the article, then get back to me.

Also, giraffe fight.

Buying Will Make You Happy

2007-09-27T01:10:00.000-05:00

Part Five and Part Six finish up the Engineering of Consent. There's a whole other part of the series available as well, called Happiness Machines (you can find parts 2 through 6 under the related videos section), if you're interested in more about psychology and advertising.

Add An Egg

2007-09-26T00:20:00.000-05:00

Part three of the Engineering of Consent discusses advertising, and how to use psychology to sell products. This is something that I think does happen, and often successfully. The example given was interesting though. Is the "add an egg" for cake and brownie mix really only there to relieve the guilty feelings of housewives? Does this still apply? Why am I adding an egg? Is it even necessary? I'm tempted to write a letter. I can't count the number of times I've looked for something to cook for myself, picked up a box of brownie mix and thought "Mmm, this looks good, ah damn, I have no eggs." Ok, it's seven. Seven days of chocolate brownie despair because of an instruction that was only added to sell the product to the woman who felt guilty about not making them from scratch. I feel cheated, you are a cruel mistress Betty Crocker.

Part four is about how psychology can be used during war time, and you should just watch it. I found it very interesting.

Perhaps still on topic, I thought I would relate an experience I had this evening. Visiting with my parents earlier, my mom mentioned that there was a TV show called Mad Men about advertising executives in the sixties that was a cleverly done period piece. I decided to check it out, and I watched the first couple episodes. While watching it I started to feel sort of sick, mildly nauseous but hungry at the same time. After the end of the second episode, I realized what it was. Withdrawal. People in this show light up a cigarette every 10 seconds, and I now feel like I just quit smoking a couple hours ago, instead of three months ago. My psychological addiction, has given me physical withdrawal, which is an unpleasant reminder of the power of the mind. For those of you unfamiliar with what addiction looks like, perhaps this will paint a picture for you:

If I still had an ashtray, with stale dusty ashy cigarette butts from three months ago sitting around, I would pick one up, put it in my mouth, and try to set it on fire so I could inhale the smoke from the tar stained cotton of the filter.

That's not something I'm proud of, but there it is. I don't think I'll be watching Mad Men again anytime soon, but it does seem like a cleverly done period piece, and you should check it out if you're into that sort of thing, and not a nicotine junkie.

The Engineering of Consent

2007-09-25T00:53:00.000-05:00

Currently, I'm reading the Foundation series by Isaac Asimov (which Jason let me borrow), which uses an advanced form of psychology called psycho-history as the plot device. This science cannot predict the behavior of individuals, but it can predict the behavior of large groups of people, and the scientists who understand the science, use it to direct the course of human society into the distant future. Coincidentally, I came across something much less grand is scale, but much more real, the Engineering of Consent (part 1, part 2).

The documentary is about how Freud's psychology was looked at in a post world war two America as a way to prevent the irrational and violent motivations within the general population from rising up and overthrowing democracy. It was believed that what happened in Germany, was a fall to the irrational motivations of otherwise ordinary people. If most of the population is driven by irrational forces, how can democracy work? Why not use Freud's ideas to create a system to change the psyches of Americans to reduce the violent emotions in them, and make them decent, conforming, democratic citizens? The National Mental Health Act was meant to do just that.

Now, trying to cure mental illness isn't a bad thing, but trying to pacify people makes things a little murky. Trying to induce conformity for the sake of mental health is certainly a step up from asylums. Overall I think that even if there was a concerted effort from those in positions in power to pacify people, psychology really wasn't understood well enough for it to be that effective. It does raise the question though, as our understanding of psychology and neurology advance, even if we don't approach the broad power of something like psycho-history, there may be things we'll be capable of doing that sound awfully scary today.

Say we have gained such a great understanding of child development, that a curriculum can be devised that produces happy, intelligent, hard working adults. Would you want those methods used by the public schools? Most people would probably say no, because it's hard to trust the government not to mess up something like that. Let's just remove big brother from the equation, and say that all schools in the future are privately run. Which school do you pick for your kids? Happy brainwashing school, or Columbine? I would imagine that every school shooting would cause a jump in brainwashing school enrollment. And why not? If they've figured out how to keep kids from shooting each other, that's a pretty good sales point. Do you buy the child rearing books written by the psychologists? People do that now, is it only creepy if it works really well?

What about criminal rehabilitation? If we can really rehabilitate someone, should we? A few weeks with the future-psychiatrist and you put up those barriers to the criminal behavior, and send them out the door as a productive member of society. It's certainly been the subject of enough sci-fi. Again, isn't that what we're trying to do now with prisons? Why does it become creepy when it works? That's kind of weird isn't it? Of course, the other side of the argument is "Lobotomies prevent future criminal behavior too, that doesn't mean we should use it as punishment." A lobotomy is obviously overkill, but is conditioning also overkill? What if it was surgical in nature, does that make it overkill?

As we learn more about how the mind functions, we may also learn how to change the mind in very specific ways. I've talked about the moral fear that tends to affect new sciences before, and I'm not sure this is that different, though certainly there are some unique moral aspects to this. The fields of psychology and neurology are in their relative infancy, and we may not need to draw those lines in my lifetime, but the need to draw them may be inevitable.

Hurt

2007-09-21T23:14:00.000-05:00

In 2002, Johnny Cash covered the Nine Inch Nails song 'Hurt'. I just stumbled across the video, which is fantastic.

Johnny Cash - Hurt

Horror Film Theme Song

2007-09-21T01:17:00.000-05:00

Some of you may have heard Jason refer to my "roommate killing music", which he claims sounds like the theme for a villain in a slasher flick. This is a song I wrote when we were living together, so he got to hear it over and over again for a couple weeks while I was working on it. I've always wanted to add something else to it, but can't figure out what that should be. Unfortunately, this is the only song of mine I seem to still have. Unless I can find an old back up disk somewhere, I think all the really old stuff is gone, which isn't a big loss, it's all pretty amateur stuff anyway, but some of it was kind of amusing.

Chi.mp3

Stumbling Into Myself

2007-09-20T01:03:00.000-05:00

I've been asked a couple times recently what kinds of things people are entering on search engines that bring them to my site. For the most part, it's you regular readers searching for "fetal minds" or "joe cerra" and ending up here. Occasionally, someone trying to find something else ends up here, these are a few examples.

"ultimate action" "never ever"
I'm pretty sure they were looking for a song by this band.

and shephards we shall be and teming with souls
It's nice to know that poor spellers looking for the murder prayer end up here.

apocracy method
Judging by the other results, I'm guessing this is a song by Method Man. I seem to be popular for music that isn't here.

fideleus charm
Fideleus - an alias that I addressed a letter to once
Fidelius - a spell from the Harry Potter books
I get the people who mis-spell it. Ha ha, spell, get it?

minds blind spot
Well... why not.

pictabs dance
Apparently I use the word dance a lot. Odd.

terraforming
I couldn't find myself on this search anymore. Which is a shame, I was kind of proud of this one.

thoof
I don't show up on this search anymore either, which is fine, since I forgot about this website.

freezing bondage gear
Hmmm. I'm guessing someone got stuck to some metal undergarments, and really, who hasn't been there before? The real problem here, is metal below the freezing point. If you put your tongue, a sweaty hand, or really anything with moisture against freezing metal, the high thermal conductivity in the metal will conduct heat out of the water in contact with it faster than your body is supplying that water with heat, causing it to freeze. If you are looking for some sub-zero entertainment, something with a lower thermal conductivity such as plastic or rubber may be a better choice for storing in the freezer, though you should be careful as these materials may become brittle once frozen. The other option is to make sure your metal items are above the freezing point before use.

is there such a thing as too much fetal movement
I don't show up on this search until the 5th page, someone obviously was having trouble finding what they were looking for. To answer your question, the answer is Yes. It's called fetal drift, in which a fetus may begin to wander aimlessly. Your fetus is probably drifting if it has learned to play the harmonica, enrolled in community college, or gained employment in the Ren Fair. I think there are pills you can take to fix this.

A Little Catch Up

2007-09-18T01:41:00.000-05:00

I think Jason created a website and didn't tell anyone.

Blogger released a neat web app called Blogger Play, which shows you the images that people are uploading to their blogs in a real-time slide show. It's very hypnotic.

The Northwest passage has opened up in the Arctic for the first time since 1998, ahead of predictions.

The Antarctic has set a record in the satellite measurements for the most ice extent since 1979.

Unfortunately, the source for the second story had to issue a correction, and mess the nice min/max thing going on, stating that the southern hemisphere is only "close" to the historic maximum.

11 foods to improve your mood. Number 2 is chocolate. Now it's medical advice.

Google has put their money where my heart is, and got in on the x-prize action. Plus, extra bonus article on why we might want to go back to the moon.

The Greatest Picture

2007-09-17T01:46:00.001-05:00

The Most Important Picture Ever Taken

A recent article I read on the Hubble telescope reminded me of the above video.

This Post Brought To You By The Letter Codeine

2007-09-14T00:53:00.000-05:00

Just so everyone knows, I plan on taking the past four days off. You may expect posts to resume immediately.

I heard about a website called Kiva, which is designed to help people invest in developing countries. It's an interesting concept, and personally, I think spreading capitalism to developing countries would have a better effect then trying to spread democracy.

Speaking of capitalism, Apple cut the price on their iPhone, and iPhone owners got very whiny. This really isn't new, people have complained about this since trade was invented I'm sure. People seem to be whining much louder now though, or for some reason it's become news worthy. Here's the thing though, shut up. You bought an electronic device during the first three months of it's release. If you are shocked that the price of electronics goes down over time, you quite possibly have brain damage. If it was caused by your iPhone, there is a 85% chance that I would find your suffering amusing. Also sad, sure, but sad in a way that would make me chuckle. The point is, if something costs $600 dollars today, it's your job to decide if that's a fair value. It is your money, and your decision, if you think it is worth that much to you, and you think it is a fair trade, then spend your dough. If the price goes down to $400 dollars 2 minutes after you walk out the doors, you did not get ripped off. No one tricked you into spending $600, you decided that's what it was worth at that time. No one does this with gas. Do you ever see anyone ask for a refund on their recent purchase when gas prices go down? Ok, I had this happen to me when I worked at a gas station. If I remember correctly, my response to the request for a refund was to slightly raise one eyebrow in a condescending manner until they got mad and left, but that person was in a class all her own, most people do not do this with gas prices. I really just don't understand why people look at these things differently. Maybe it's because gas prices change daily, but electronics do not? If I ran a retail electronics store, I would be tempted to change my prices every four hours, just to amuse myself.

This of course is probably why I will never run a retail electronics store. I will probably also never design cars, because if I did, stories like this one about Emily Bazelon would tempt me to remove the ability to recline car seats, and place large stickers where the reclining levers used to be stating "This feature removed for your safety thanks to the good work of Emily Bazelon. You may reach her at this number...." Yes, I'm a people person.

In a previous post, I mentioned that there were allegations that some NASA astronauts were flying drunk. NASA has completed their investigation, and has found no evidence to support that rumor. In addition, the rovers are alive and kicking. I will rest easier at night, knowing those robots are ok. Seriously.

Lastly, her is the letter, from SLW. Click on the pics for larger versions.

Why?

2007-09-06T22:23:00.000-05:00

This contribution to my collection of other people writings, comes from one of my aunts. I'm actually not sure if she reads this or not. Guess I'll find out.

She wrote me this poem in a letter she sent me, with the idea that we would be pen pals, and exchange poems. It was a great idea, I wish it was the kind of thing I could have stuck with. I only sent her one response, I got a letter back, and that was the end of it. Even thinking about it I'm tempted to put an add on Craig's List, "Wanted: Someone to exchange hand written letters with. Must spell 'you' with more than one letter." Of course, it's still probably something I wouldn't stick with. I'm not sure why that is.

Unfortunately, I can't find the second letter, which, I'm pretty sure had a second poem. The letter I do have, I'll save for next week, as it pretty much gives away who it is, and I'm curious if my family will know who it is right away or not.

Written: 10/8/1992
One morning, as my alarm breaks the silence of my dreams, I hear rain pounding against the windows and ask... "Why?"
"Why not sunshine or an extra hour of sleep?"

One evening, as I watch the news, I hear about children dying in far away places and ask... "Why?"
"Why not plentiful bounties or peace?"

One day, as I wash my face, I catch the reflection of myself - the complexity, the confusion and ask... "Why?"
"Why am I this way?"

BECAUSE my life has made me this way?
BECAUSE I am destined to serve some special purpose?
BECAUSE I ask "Why?"

Enigma - "Why"

Greatest Mysteries

2007-09-06T00:56:00.000-05:00

LiveScience ran a series of articles last month for what they considered the greatest mysteries in science to be. There are fifteen articles, so there is plenty good stuff there. They've basically done my news round up for me, which is nice, as labor day tends to make me lazy, and I haven't done much news gathering this week.

Freedom Lover

2007-09-04T22:17:00.000-05:00

I got into a bit of a political discussion this weekend, and thought I'd post my Nolan Chart. The quiz is only 12 questions, but I think the results are decent. I'm not so sure about the commentary however. Ron Paul, really? To be honest, I've completely ignored him, but if I was going to vote for someone that didn't have a chance in hell, I'd just vote libertarian.

I'm not sure why the name of my group was changed, I think "Moderate Libertarian" is more accurate than "Right Leaning Freedom Lover". That sounds like a capitalist hippie. Hmmm, then again...

Ask Me No Questions, I'll Tell You No Everywhere Like Such As

2007-08-30T01:09:00.000-05:00

After you get over the "Whaaaa?" moment from watching this video, go back and listen to the question again. I think she answered it perfectly.

Serving Up News Like Mini Dogs On Tooth Picks

2007-08-28T21:19:00.000-05:00

Acording to Mingle², my blog rating is "G". I would like to take this opportunity to apologize. I'll try much harder. Why is a free online dating service handing out blog ratings? To attract links and attention of course, look how well it works.

Rare View Captured of Rings Around Uranus
*snicker*

Huge Hole Found in the Universe
Seriously, I'm not writing these headlines.

Copyright stories keep showing up in the news lately, rather than linking to them, I thought I would like to the best copyright explanation I've ever read.
Copyright Explanation Part 1: General Terms, and History of Copyright Law
Copyright Explanation Part 2: Fair Use
Copyright Explanation Part 3: Consequences of Infringement
Copyright Explanation Part 4: Other Protections for Intellectual Property

I found this article about banner blindness interesting. The short version is "People browsing the internet don't look at advertisements". If you're already bored, you probably shouldn't read it.

The Machine Is A Storyteller

2007-08-27T21:42:00.000-05:00

I don't know how much sense yesterday's video made to people unfamiliar with HTML. Perhaps you're wondering why Dr. Michael Wesch, an Assistant Professor of Cultural Anthropology, made a video about web 2.0? Well, I can't speak for him, but I have my own answer to that question, which should help explain things a little more, if the video wasn't you're cup of tea.

What are we even talking about?
In one word: information. If you still aren't sure what exactly web 2.0 is, don't worry, it's something that is still being defined. In fact, I defined web 2.0 previously as a "sharing and collaboration" movement. That is the general idea behind most things being called web 2.0, but I'm not sure that really expresses the purpose behind it all, or at least, the lofty possibilities that some people see in it.

As the video discussed, the separation of content from format on the web was an important step. XML allows that content, that information, to be identified. It becomes data that can be passed on and used by others. I've been doing work in databases for awhile, and some of the philosophy behind how we store information, how we make that information available, I find very interesting. The passing of information goes by another name: communication.

In The Beginning, There Was The Grunt
Anthropologically, this is mostly bunk, I don't really have a background to explain how language developed, but I think it still helps put web 2.0 into perspective, so...

Communication certainly didn't begin with us. At some point, as animals developed, they began conveying information to each other. When this began, there were a couple things they needed to communicate: danger, food, let's procreate. Yup, I think that's all the basics. Communication, for the most part, stayed at about this level for most animals. Some animals were able to communicate a few other things, a few of those could even convey complex concepts to each other, like how to use tools. Then we came along, and something changed. I'm not really sure what it was, an increased storage capacity for more symbols I would guess.

All communication requires symbols, I do something (show you a picture, make a noise, perform a gesture, excrete some pheromones) which you perceive and interpret. If we both understand that symbol to represent the same thing, we've successfully communicated. This common codex of symbols, is language. When our ancestors began developing a language, it was probably a combination of noises and gestures.

At some point in our development, as our symbols became more and more complicated, important information could be conveyed, passed on to descendants. We had found a way to store our data, the very first database, the storyteller. This was a fairly good storage system, our history/culture/information could be passed on from one storyteller to another and preserved. Of course, back in those days, mortality rates were not worth bragging about, and stories would have been lost when a storyteller died before passing them on to someone else. A better database was needed.

From The Alphabet, To The Word Processor
Enter the written word. You could say we already had this form of symbol among our language. Cave paintings, lines drawn in the sand, face paint, tattoos, these are all drawn symbols that could be used to communicate, but they were inefficient, too impermanent, or too immobile. The written word, was a revolution in drawing. We say that a picture is worth a thousand words, but when it came to storing information, the written word left pictures in the dust. Scrolls and tablets became our new database.

The storytellers probably didn't shut up, but the stories could be written down, and if all the storytellers were killed, someone could pick up the written story, and begin telling it again. This was the real beginning of our cultural history. Any stories that weren't written down have been lost, but we've been able to hold onto written information for pretty impressive lengths of time. In addition, this written information would be copied and shared with others much easier than memorized stories, and it could be gathered in large quantities in buildings for study. Even tragedies like the Library of Alexandria burning down didn't necessarily mean that all that data was lost, if the words had been copied, and sent to another library.

However, while books may be portable, libraries are not, and as we create more and more information, they take up more and more space. Printed material also requires more paper and space when making copies. While micro-fish and other technologies certainly helped ease some of these problems, the main solution of these problems came with the personal computer.

Enter Digital Information
I think it's time to break out the numbers. According to Berkeley's How Much Information? study from 2003, one metric ton of paper (2.7 trees) can store 6 gigabytes of data (they seem to be using 1,000 bytes per kilobyte instead of 1,024 so I will as well). However, that's assuming the information is scanned and stored as compressed images. If we're only talking about plain text, then one metric ton of paper, is 550 megabytes of data. Unfortunately, the study doesn't try to estimate the cost, and the last time I tried to look into the current cost of paper I got lost, so I'll leave that exercise to you if you really must know. This hard drive can store 1 terabyte of data, and the specifications state it weighs 500 grams. That one hard drive could store about 1,818 metric tons of paper. If we go with compressed images instead of plain text, like the study does, then that hard drive can store about 167 metric tons of paper. The library of congress was estimated to be 136 terabytes at the time, and only 10 terabytes of that was on printed material. There were some other interesting statistics in there, such as"

5 Exabytes: All words ever spoken by human beings
2 Exabytes: Total volume of information generated in 1999
532 petabytes: Total size of the internet

a petabyte is a thousand terabytes, and an exabyte is a thousand petabytes

I imagine the internet has grown a bit in the past four years. The study goes into a lot of things besides just print, check out the executive summary if you're interested.

Databases in the digital world have gone through their own evolution as the need to access greater amounts of data has grown. From flat, to hierarchical, to relational, we've tried to find more efficient ways to both store and retrieve our data. To make it useful, actionable. Communicable.

The Next Evolution
At this point, you might say we have too much data. What we do have, is to much data for current database models. As more and more of it becomes available not just in a digital form, but available online, how are we going to organize it, find it, communicate it? Databases in an online world are only in their infancy. Our collective knowledge is slowly being collected in a single distributed library called the internet. In such a mountain of information, how do you find the signal and filter out the noise? How do you get people to participate in that attempt in a useful way? Those are difficult questions, questions that web 2.0 might be able to answer. At least, that's the dream.

The Machine

2007-08-27T01:08:00.001-05:00

I've been doing some more thinking about the web 2.0 movement and collaboration, when I stumbled across this video. I think it sets the stage fairly well, I'll have more to say about it tomorrow.

The Machine is Us/ing Us

Where Do I Go From Here?

2007-08-23T23:50:00.001-05:00

I think this is the most inspired thing I've ever written. I've been putting off posting it, partly because, what do you follow your best with? Also, because I find it depressing, it always makes me wonder if I'll be inspired like this again. Lastly because, if I somehow end up in a relationship again, how do I top this nonsense? I mean, jeebus, I'm socially shooting myself in the foot here (that's how it feels anyway). I'm not sure if it's my best writing, but I say it's my most inspired, because it captured a moment in my life more perfectly then anything else I've written, and the words can bring that back for me so vividly. It was a moment that felt like the cusp of my life at the time. It's one big run-on sentence. I'm not sure what that means.

Written: Fall 2002
Can't seem to get you off my mind, you are there as I am, like a feathery breathe in the night, you quiet me, still me, the breathe within me, I can't seem to get away, I can't seem to find the way, though I try you are always with me, now so long ago when it all began, and I can't seem to remember why I ever tried so hard to leave that which I love so much, like a drunken scream in the night as I did to myself what I thought the world wanted to do to me, but I couldn't, I couldn't stay away, as you were always with me, breathing in the night as I listened to your voice, in the end it will have been worth it all, all the pain and pleasure, all so glorious, and I know that you will be on my mind, as I fade into the darkness, I shall think of you and be happy, but the now, the future, thoughts of those, I cannot fathom, to dare to dream... such exquisite torture, but dangerous for me, and to feel the pessimism come, I cannot tell which is worse, but that you will be with me, makes the answers irrelevant, I do not mean to miss the now for the then or the what will be, but sometimes, the words, the meanings, bring the thoughts to my head, and the whispers bring memories, and I cannot help but feel you as we were together, I cannot help but feel us as we might be again, like a magnet drawn to you, I feel you pull me to you, but I resist and resist, though I sometimes wonder if I should, I cannot help but think it is for the best, though it goes against what I feel, what I want, desire, you are my life in ways I cannot explain, a dream that came to be, the only one that anyone has ever known or ever will, the world should weep to know the truth of this, and I should be the one to let them know, that they are not alone, that the world around them, everything that they have ever dreamed or felt or thought, but they do not know it as I do, and I have not the words to tell them, the beauty in my life fills me to bursting, it is a pain that I cannot express, life is killing me with kindness, that love should hurt so much is a blessing I never expected, I cannot feel this way, and yet I do, it all seems so wonderful that I despair, life and death all mixed together so that I cannot tell when the dreams come upon me where I go, but I know I'll find you there at the end, feeling as I do, knowing as I know, and my arms shall be open, and I will never let go.

Bitter No More

2007-08-23T12:39:00.000-05:00

Chemists Find What Makes Coffee Bitter LiveScience

The bitterness apparently isn't from the caffeine. Experiments in woosified coffee beginning forthwith.

Watch Your Own Accident

2007-08-22T01:25:00.001-05:00

Ever wondered what it would look like if you got in a car accident? Well wonder no more. Consumer reports will let you view crash test videos by make, model, and year. My car wasn't in the list, but there seem to be plenty of options to pick from.

hat tip: lifehacker

Great Quotes From Articles I've Read Recently

2007-08-21T21:10:00.000-05:00

Blogger Sued For Book Review

...we all know that the way to prove that one is not a classic crackpot is to sue a blogger for $15 million over a bad book review in a complaint that misspells "its" and the defendant's name and brags about the plaintiff's affiliation with Andy Warhol and Prince Charles.

China Likes Making Laws

...China has banned Buddhist monks in Tibet from reincarnating without government permission.

Prison Optional

"It’s difficult to make plans for the prison terms when we have no idea who will show up and who won't," said Ellinor Houm

How Do You Allegedly Disguise Yourself?

He allegedly disguised himself by wrapping duct tape around his face. He also apparently pulled his t-shirt around his head Cornholio-style.

Benchslap

Above the Law calls opinions where judges criticize one another "benchslaps,"

This quote isn't that good, but the video is.

In this case, the accident-prone shopper's bad luck was that the store had just installed a surveillance camera.

Simulated Philosophy

2007-08-21T00:20:00.000-05:00

...if you accept a pretty reasonable assumption of Dr. Bostrom’s, it is almost a mathematical certainty that we are living in someone else’s computer simulation.

This quote comes from a recent NY Times article. [Update: here is an alternative brief description of the simulation argument] I've heard a couple of people discussing this lately, and decided to look into it myself. I haven't read his simulation argument itself yet, just the news story about it, so I may update this later and completely change my mind if there's something unexpected in it.

The idea of us being inside a computer simulation is certainly an entertaining thought to play with, and it's the basis for good sci-fi flicks like The Matrix and The Thirteenth Floor, but is it really a reasonable philosophy? Much less a "mathematical certainty"? On the surface it doesn't even seem that original, it's just the high-tech version of "What if everything is a dream?" What is the reasonable assumption that brings this all together?

Dr. Bostrom assumes that technological advances could produce a computer with more processing power than all the brains in the world, and that advanced humans, or “posthumans,” could run “ancestor simulations” of their evolutionary history by creating virtual worlds inhabited by virtual people with fully developed virtual nervous systems.

Is this a reasonable assumption? According to the first paper I stumbled across, computers as powerful as brains will be available by 2020. How do we calculate the processing power of a brain? Computers are generally measured in FLOPS (floating point operations per second). Is it fair to compare a computer instruction being executed to a neuron firing? Some aren't even so sure that FLOPS are an accurate measurement of computer performance. It's such a complicated issue, I'm not sure I can accurately picture a computer working at the "instruction level", much less a brain working at the "neuron level".

We do have to start with something though, and it doesn't seem like a terrible comparison. So, if I have 100 billion neurons in my brain, capable of firing 1000 times per second, then my brain has a capacity of 100 Tera-FLOPS, or 100 trillion operations per second. Sadly, it never runs at quite that speed, but then, my computer is usually idling along as well.

I suddenly find myself wondering what would happen if every neuron in my head fired at the same time. Would I die? Get a headache? Would all my bodily functions go off at the same time? Ok, enough of that tangent.

Now, 100 Tera-FLOPS is fairly impressive, but according to the latest supercomputer list, a BlueGene/L machine running at DOE’s Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory is running at 280.6 Tera-FLOPS, and there are two other machines running at over 100 Tera-FLOPS. Obviously, speed alone doesn't cut it, we need the software. If we had the software, if we had a program called brain.exe, that when turned on, behaved in every way like a human brain, and we loaded it on this powerful piece of machinery, would it work? I have no idea. My first instinct is, probably not. I don't think the correlation is any good. It is tempting, the brain to computer mapping, but I'm skeptical that it is a reasonable esitmate.

So, where does that leave our assumption? One day, there probably will be a computer with "more processing power than all the brains in the world", whatever that does mean. However, even that isn't enough computer. What we need is a computer capable of simulating not just every brain in the world, but the behavior of every sub-atomic particle on this planet, and every visible point in space, and all the laws of physics. After all, if they weren't being simulated, we wouldn't see them right? So, let's go ahead and consider, that someday, there will be a computer that powerful. My very rough estimate, if we go down to the Planck length is 1.33*10^85 pieces of information to keep track of, just for this planet (the 280 Tera-FLOPS mentioned earlier is 2.8*10^14).

Moore's law seems to be starting to slow down, but since we're assuming, let's assume it applies to super computers, and that it will stay at a rate of computer speed doubling every 18 months. Geez my math is rusty... let's see... uh, I come up with "a while". Oh yes, and we'll need some software capable of simulating the behavior of all of that information. Hmm, this doesn't really sound like "a pretty reasonable assumption" anymore. It really goes to hell when you try to figure out how such a computer would work. If we're still dealing with bits, how much space will a bit take up? Let's say it's an atom, and we measure the charge of the atom to determine if it's a 1 or a 0. Well, if that bit is representing something at the Planck scale, the theoretical minimum size, then our computer would have to be many, many, many orders of magnitude bigger than the universe itself. If we squeeze our information down to the Planck scale, then our universe model would be actual sized. Oooh, maybe our universe is a computer simulating itself? Eh? Eh?

We haven't even started on the theory itself yet. I'm stuck trying to figure out the astronomical dimensions of the assumption. Trying to picture the entire universe as something that exists at all is mind boggling. Trying to picture the entire thing sitting on the hard drive of a box under someone's coffee table, next to multiple other simulated universes, seems a little ridiculous doesn't it?

There are certainly some ways around these problems, and perhaps they are discussed in the article I haven't read. If you've thought of any interesting solutions to the problems with the "simulation" I'd love to hear them. As far as the New York Times goes though, they seem to really be over selling this philosophy, and I can't imagine why. I'd like to see them run an article about when we'll have computers powerful enough to simulate newspapers that run articles for reasons other then selling copy. Mmmm, meta-news.

Edit: Somehow I left out the part about the article that annoyed me to begin with. At the top of the article the writer states it's a "near mathematical certainty" as I quoted earlier. Further down in the article the philosopher being interviewed states he thinks it's a 20% chance. Now, I'm no rocket scientist...

Derren Brown

2007-08-19T23:17:00.000-05:00

Derren Brown does some fascinating things with psychology and hypnosis, like this video where he convinces some middle managers to commit armed robbery.

The Heist

Doing a video search will turn up plenty of other clips.

Lost In Predisposition

2007-08-17T01:25:00.000-05:00

The mention of chess refers to a conversation I had once at the end of a chess game. The game ended in a position where I was unable to move any of my pieces without putting myself in check. When he declared victory I said "No one wins when that happens", but he didn't understand that I was referring to other events.

Written: 1999
In the corner searching. Lost in color. Lost in predisposition. Incorrigible habits. The conjugated life form. Never could see it coming. Why do you think I said such things? Wasn't Chess. When you stop moving we all lose. I forfeited. Don't you get it? Lost on the introspective. Wasted on those who aren't. Do you really think I can return the favor? Like as the doppleganger's child consumes. We can be anything we want the second time around. There is no picking up. There is no starting over. That one's no longer with us. Am I a mirror? My eyes are made of glass. What you see is yourself. Can you see me?

Science Spent a Week Goofing Off

2007-08-16T01:18:00.000-05:00

Tell Grandpa to get off that mountain.

Major League Umpires, probably racists.

Gas pretends to be alive, gets grounded.

There was a blog post by a 12 yr old reviewing the $100 dollar laptops, and Scott Adams posted a fan letter from a 10 yr old. What do these two things have in common? People in the comments claiming they are hoaxes, because young kids "can't write that good".

In other news, people who comment on Freedom to Tinker and the Dilbert Blog have some dumb ass children. Their kids are also likely to be ugly, and swear in church. That's what I heard.

Gadget Geek meets Body Mod. (evil thumb?)

Science suffers from giant insect denial.

Gigantic Me

2007-08-14T21:49:00.000-05:00

This is my one hundredth post. I figured it was about time I had a picture of someone giving someone else the finger. Thanks for everyone's kind words, I'm glad you've enjoyed it so far. I started this blog as a bit of an experiment, and I'm pretty happy with what it's turned into. I expect this is something I'll keep doing for a long time to come.

edit: I wrote this post two weeks ago, but just noticed it wasn't published. I'm not sure if it counts as the 100th post still, since I don't think anyone one saw it. Oops.

This Is Not A Notebook

2007-08-13T23:57:00.001-05:00

While going through some of my old notebooks, I noticed that one of them had a price tag still on it. The price tag says Kmart on it, and is for 33 cents. For 70 sheets of letter sized paper, that seems like quite a bargain. Being that this particular notebook has my notes from 6th grade history in it, I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Sadly, said notes contain no commentary, but only boring facts about stuff that happened. Although there is one page that threw me for a loop. My notes say:

V. Other Americans
"hi" marijuana LSD
counterrevolution
"flower children" "gentle people"
love brotherhood communal living
the consumers champion
ralph nader general motors
"unsafe at any speed"
"nader's raiders"

That's right, my school book apparently had a chapter on hippies and Mr. Nader. The "Other Americans" chapter.

But back to the price of things. I decided to hop on Kmart's website, and try to find out how much this same spiral notebook would cost today. My first search was for paper, and that was close, but not what I was looking for. Then I tried a search for notebook.

Oh, right, laptops. Am I the only person still calling spiral binders of paper notebooks? Am I the only person who still uses notebooks?

Next step, categories. Hmm, no category for school supplies, or office supplies. What the heck? I'll just search for pencil, and see what category that is in.

Ah yes, of course, pencils are in the Computers & Electronics category, why didn't I think of that? Clicking on the Computers & Electronics link, took me to the Office Equipment & Supplies page. Well now it's just a challenge. The Kmart website is obviously some sort of test, a maze of unlikely synonyms, meant to stump the unwary. I accept your challenge Kmart. I will find your paper.

Underneath the apparently secret Office Equipment & Supplies category, is the School Supplies sub-category. Following this link not only makes Office Equipment & Supplies a subcategory of Computers & Electronics like some strange category acrobatics, but actually shows me a picture of what I'm looking for:
Yes, a picture of notebooks, labeled as the Dr. Grip Mechanical Pencil. Clicking on the picture takes me to a page with the same picture and name, as well as this description.

Dr. Grip Mechanical Pencils feature a revolutionary wide contoured that reduces required gripping power and alleviates writing stress.
Product images may differ from actual product appearance.

Yes, I'd say that's a "revolutionary wide contoured". In addition, your brazen disregard for the rules of the English language, indeed, perhaps even for meaning itself, have made this experience feel like a somnambulistic journey, I can almost picture this möbius like item writing on itself in an eternal statement of "I am", and it has opened my eyes to why you jerks closed all your stores.

So, apparently notebooks have gone up in price 2,000% and are now called pencils, but I can no longer recall what I planned on doing with that knowledge once I got it. However, I do know that Ralph Nader should totally start the "Other Americans" party. Sure, Green is in right now, but "Other Americans" has some serious potential.

This Time I Will Get A Different Result

2007-08-13T12:15:00.000-05:00

This morning I had six voicemails waiting for me at work. They were all from the same lady, and they all basically said "I'm sorry, I must have the wrong number", except for the last one, where she also stated "I'm from out of town, and I'm trying to reach someone. I won't call this number again, I apologize." The messages were all left on Saturday, between 9:30 am till 4:30 pm.

Aside from the absurdity of leaving a message to apologize for leaving the very message you're apologizing for, I had to wonder why did it take seven hours and six phone calls to decide to stop calling that number? I can picture her, staring at a peice of paper with my number and someone elses name written next to it, talking herself into trying it again. The paper says it's the right number, maybe those past five times she just misdialed. Maybe it's a glitch at the phone company, crossed wires, or solar flares. Is the number of times you're willing to beat your head against a wall an accurate measurement of how important something is? My guess is that someone died, and I got caught in the periphery. What a lovely thought to start my week with.

The behavior really isn't that strange, we've all done it. Think of the last time you lost your keys and couldn't find them right way. Chances are you looked in the same place multiple times even though you knew you had just looked there a minute before with no success. Sometimes other people will even talk you into doing it.

"Did you check on your nightstand?"
"Yes, they aren't there."
"Maybe you should check again to make sure."
"I said they aren't there."
"Do you want me to check the nightstand?"
"Fine, I'll go check it again"

Sometimes that conversation is followed with "I found them, they were on the nightstand." Is it those exceptions that make us doubt ourselves? Have we learned to distrust our own senses, our memories? Why do we keep checking the nightstand? Sometimes we do make mistakes, overlook something. Going back to cover unsuccessful territory a second time doesn't seem that unreasonable. What about three times? What about six?

I myself have recently done this. I believe I had mentioned that the "With" book was something I had been looking for after I started this blog. Over a period of two weeks, I looked for it probably on 5 different nights, for about 5 minutes each time. On searches two through five I covered territory I knew had already been covered, but I did it anyway. I didn't keep track of how many times I looked in places I knew were the wrong place to look, but it must have been a lot. I didn't expect to find the book that way, but I still did it. I banged my head against the wall, because I wanted to find the book, you could say I just failed on purpose because I didn't know what else to do.

That makes me wonder how often I'm behaving this way. It's pretty easy to recognize when it happens with the span of 10 minutes, or even a couple weeks, but what about over the span of years? I had mentioned briefly in I Wish My Life Was Recorded that I worried sometimes that I had forgotten the mistakes I'd made and was doomed to repeat them. Maybe remembering doesn't even matter. What if I'm repeating my mistakes on purpose, because I don't know what else to do?

Another News Day

2007-08-09T22:45:00.000-05:00

I was going to post this last night, but I was busy catching up on my lightning quota. So, instead of a Stream of Consciousness post, here's all the news items I meant to post something inspiring and thoughtful on, but didn't. Where does all the time go?

This is what happens when you get lost, and the people you know are technology-giants.

Cute & Creepy?

Here is a bunch of odd ocean life. About half-way down is the Ocean Sunfish, which I believe, could be called giant.

Here is a video from some Disney safari. It is action packed. I believe the tour guide says "I've never seen this before" about five times.

More animal stuff, I seem to be on an animal kick this week.

This is a great set of picture showing the difference in size between different planetary bodies.

I had mentioned previously about a pseudononymous story about terrible behavior from American soldiers in Iraq. He actually wrote three stories for the New Republic. I've been trying to hold off on following up until things concluded, and though I'm not entirely sure if they have, here's how things have unfolded:

The author identified himself as Scott Beauchamp, to help lend credence to his stories.
This of course kicked off a formal investigation.
Someone found his old blog.
The New Republic made a statement that basically said they had fact checked the story and were going to stand behind it (although, yes, some parts may not have been true).
The Weekly Standard reported that the official investigation had concluded, when Scott signed a statement recanting what he had written for the New Republic.
The New Republic said, "That's not what we heard."
The Washington Post weighed in.
Currently things seem to be in a sort of stale mate, where it pretty much looks like he made up or "edited" the stories for the New Republic, but the New Republic hasn't issued any retractions that I've heard of.

The whole thing is great example of why I don't trust the journalists manning the floodgates.

What Is A Civil Union?

2007-08-09T11:37:00.000-05:00

In the gay marriage debate, the concept of a civil union comes up a lot. FactCheck has written up a explanation of the difference between civil unions and marriage is. They are often said to be functionally equivalent, but there are a couple important differences between them that usually don't come up in the debates.

TED

2007-08-07T22:17:00.000-05:00

The video I linked to in the genomics post, as you may have noticed from the intro, was from TED. TED is a conference I think I've heard mentioned a couple times over the years but have never been exposed to. They seem to have all of their talks from April online. It's not all science, so even if that's not something you're interested in, chances are there's someone smart who said something you'd find interesting.